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Hello and welcome to another episode of The Mom-entum Podcast, a podcast dedicated to inspiring, uplifting and empowering women on the journey through motherhood.  I’m Tanya Valentine and I’m so glad you’re here.

 

Thank you all so much for being here, first off.  I really want to express my appreciation for your support.  I think of you all all of the time and wonder what is it you need help with.  I was thinking about what you might be going through at this moment, and at the time you will be listening to this podcast it will be January 17 (or maybe it’s later if you are listening to this podcast sometime in the future). But at the time this podcast airs it will be January 17th and I was thinking if you did make any New Years’ resolutions that right now is about the time you might be running out of steam, the novelty of it all has wore off, you’ve lost you’re momentum and maybe just gave up decided that its not for you, or it’s just not the right time in this season in your life.

 

Researchers suggest that only 9% of Americans that make resolutions complete them. In fact, research goes on to show that 23% of people quit their resolution by the end of the first week, and 43% quit by the end of January.  

 

Reasons people give up on their new years resolutions:

 

1.  They’re not emotionally committed to the goal in the first place.

2. They have not thought through who else would benefit from achieving this goal (for example the way your kids or spouse could benefit  from you becoming more organized with your time, your less frantic, the house is more calm, you’re less likely to lose your temper due to things that are normal triggers like running late.) these could all be ways in which your family would benefit from you improving your time management skills.

3. They’re not measuring them.  Goals must be measured as you are on the path to attaining them.  This way you can see where you are at on the journey, you can see and celebrate your progress as you go, and celebrating will help to give you that motivation, that positive reinforcement to help you keep going.  Also, you will be able to see more accurately when you are not making progress or maybe if there is a decline, and then assess the reasons why that might be happening so that you can go about adjusting your plans moving forward.  For example you’ve made excellent progress with your weight loss goals.  You are measuring yourself every day and you suddenly notice a plateau.  There could be multiple reasons for this but you can stop and think is there anything I can do differently so that I can continue to see progress towards reaching my goal?  What adjustments could be made in my diet?  Is it when I am eating that’s the problem? Is it the amount of food I am eating.  And then you can experiment from there.  But the point is, you need a measurement tool that will tell you where you are at on your path to achieving your goal, and it will help you know when it’s time to make a pivot and do something different because the progress has come to a halt or maybe you have started to take 2 steps back so to speak.

4. Obstacles: people come up against obstacles.  Now this has definitely been true for me.  Obstacles like the kids get sick, and maybe you just didn’t plan for that, and your kids need that extra time and attention from you, they have to stay home from school, so you don’t get that extra time you normally would to devote towards the activities that help you move towards your goal.

 

Another obstacle, and perhaps this is the biggest one, is you.  We are our own worst enemy.  And what I mean by this is our own negative self talk.  Our doubts, our self criticism.  This is one that I wrestle with the most. And later on in this episode I will come back to how we plan for and overcome obstacles. But for now, I want to move on and talk about the importance of having a strong emotional commitment to our goals.

 

The power of tying your emotions to your goal cannot be understated.  This 2020 article I read from Forbes Magazine talks about how researchers at University College London used functional MRI’s to show the neurological power related to deep attachments, emotional attachments to other people.

In the study, mothers were shown pictures of their own infants and then pictures of friends’ kids, their best friend and other adult friends, all the while measuring how their brains responded. 

When looking at their own kids, the reward centers in the mothers’ brains were activated as well as an area that’s been linked to pain suppression during intense emotional experiences (like childbirth). And interestingly, the researchers found that areas associated with negative emotions, social judgments and assessing other people’s intentions were suppressed. And it wasn’t just maternal love creating this effect; the same researchers looked at romantic love and found similar results.

The article states, “ in other words, if you can attach your New Year’s resolution to someone you love, and think about how your goal will benefit them, your brain can literally suppress negative thoughts and give you a much-needed emotional boost.”

So how can you get back on track?  By taking the time to get honest with yourself and answer these 2 questions:

1.  Why do you care about this goal? Why is it important to you? In what ways would achieving this goal benefit you and make your life better?

2.  Who else would benefit from you achieving this goal?  In what ways would achieving this goal benefit those that you love and deeply care about?

After exploring how attaching your New Year’s resolution to someone you love can boost your motivation, it’s essential to realign yourself. Take a moment of honesty to ponder why your goal matters to you and the positive impact it could bring to your life. Additionally, reflect on the potential benefits your loved ones would reap from your goal achievement. 

 

On a personal note, I’ve gotta be honest.  So we were fortunate enough to take our family to Disney the first week in December, but ever since we returned I have been struggling.  I have managed to continue to create consistent weekly content for the podcast, but I’ve fallen short on my goal to have my Time Management Course completed for January.  It has just been one thing after another.  First of all I was so exhausted after coming home from Disney.  It literally felt like it took a good 10 days before I felt normal again.  Any of you  who have taken young kids to Disney, maybe you can relate.  It’s not exactly a “relaxing” vacation.  And then we get home and everyone was sick.  It’s been crazy.  And not everyone was sick at the same time, it was all spread out. So what ended up happening is for about a month we have had someone in this house get sick, including me! And this throws a wrench in my plans because I can’t do the thought-provoking work that I need to do in order to get this course done when my kids are sick and they need me.  But i have to remind myself of my priorities and my values and what’s important.  And what’s important to me is my family, my kids, and making sure that they are cared for and taken care of.  So unfortunately, I’ve been a little down about this.  I’ve allowed myself to succumb to my negative self talk and my doubts, I failed to do the things that I know help pull me out of the hole of negativity, like my gratitude practice.  

I swear to you, I don’t realize how much I need this gratitude practice, until I don’t do it.  And the gratitude practice I do, it’s so easy, it literally only takes me 5 minutes to do.  But sometimes, when I’m in a bit of a depression, for whatever reason I just can’t bring myself to do it.  Can you relate to this?  You just can’t bring yourself to do the things that you know are so easy and would be the solution, for whatever reason, because the lies you are telling yourself, “it’s too hard”, “I’m too tired”, “it’s not gonna make a difference anyway”, “it won’t matter if I miss it just this one time”.  But it does matter doesn’t it?  Because all of these little things, they add up. 

James Clear says in his book, “Atomic Habits”, “changes that seem small and unimportant at first will compound and turn into remarkable results if you’re willing to stick with them for years.”  He says, “We all deal with setbacks but in the long run the quality of our lives often depends on the quality of our habits.”

So what I want to say is that there are going to be setbacks.  There are going to be obstacles.  Want to laugh?  Do you all watch Bluey? Or your kids watch Bluey? Now be honest, who doesn’t secretly love that show?  It’s a good one, right, it’s got a bit of adult humor thrown in.  But it’s so spot on with the reality of life and I’m gonna tell you what I mean by this.  In one of the episodes I heard my kids watching Bluey’s dad, Bandit, says now I don’t remember the exact quote but it’s something along the lines of “Obstacles are there to test us, to see how bad we want our goal” I thought, wow how profound, Bluey, how profound, good job.

 So just think of it this way.  What is the intensity of your desire?  If you’re willing to quit at the first sign of failure then you must not have wanted it that bad.  And that’s fine if that’s true.  But question it.  Why not?  Why are you giving up, really?  Is this thing really that important to you?  Why?  Why is it important to you?  Don’t say it’s not important just because you ran into an obstacle.  We all do.  We all fail.  But the one’s who win more are the one’s who don’t give up.  So don’t give up.  Don’t give up on yourself.  I’m not going to give up on you and I’m not going to give up on myself either.  I’m going to reprioritize.  I’m just going to move my deadline for the completion of this course and I will keep you all updated when it’s finished and ready to share with the world.

 

One more thing I want to share is make sure that as you work towards your goals that you are scheduling time to do the things that recharge your battery.  Do things that light you up, that make you laugh, make you smile, make you feel good.  If you don’t take time for rest or to do the things that you love then all of this work you are doing to achieve your goal is not going to be sustainable and you could be setting yourself up for burnout.  So here’s a breakdown of what you can do to hop back on that bandwagon and get back on course towards achieving your goal:

1.  Establish a strong, emotionally driven why.  Do this by answering these 2 questions:

   1.  Why do you care about this goal? Why is it important to you? In what ways would achieving this goal benefit you and make your life better?

   2.  Who else would benefit from you achieving this goal?  In what ways would achieving this goal benefit those that you love and deeply care about?

2. Make your goal measurable and make sure you take the time to measure your progress consistently.  Schedule time each week to measure the progress of your goal.  So if it is a weight loss goal, this means step on the scale once a day or at the very least once a week.  

3. Establish a good solid plan towards achieving your goal.  Write down all of the necessary steps you need to take to get there.  Break it down into small, bite sized pieces, and then schedule these things on the calendar.

4. A part of your planning process should be taking the time to think about what are the potential obstacles that might come up that would slow you down or prevent you from achieving your goal? For example, it could be just planning for the negative self-talk, or the temptation you will feel to eat a cookie when you are stressed out.  What are you going to do in those situations?  How could you plan ahead for those situations? Could you maybe write on a posted note: Are you really hungry?  What are you feeling?  What do you need?” and stick this posted note on the pantry door to remind yourself not to resort to food as a means of numbing your emotions.

5. Know that there will be set backs, you are going to make mistakes, progress will be delayed, and that’s ok.  Plan for this.  Do not beat yourself up when this happens becuase it will only make things worse, and when you beat yourself up you are increasing your likelihood of quitting, and then you decrease your likelihood of being successful in future goal setting efforts because your brain is going to make the correlation that goal setting=pain because it is going to remember the last time you set a goal and failed how horrible you were to yourself.  So to protect you from harm, your brain is wired for survival, it is going to fight you on setting goals because of the association its made between goals causing pain.

Now, I recently started listening to the Daily Hope podcast, at the recommendation of my friend, Carolyn Deck.  And today I heard Pastor Rick Warren say,”if you use your time well, God’s going to give you more of it.” And I really do believe this.  And this is what I mean when I say you can consciously create more time for yourself, but you’ve gotta make the intentional effort to do this.  And this is going to be the goal for my time management course for moms.  I know there is a huge need for this, for everyone, but especially for moms to learn how to manage their time well.  We only get this small amount of time with our kids when they are young, and they are innocent, and they are safe under our roof and we get to be there with them for most of our hours.  We are not going to get this time back.  And yet there is so much to do, so much to juggle, right.  It can all be so overwhelming, I know.  I can relate because I am right there with you.  But I promise you there is another way.  It can be just a shift in mindset, and it is all about accumulating small changes in habits, and being as consistent as you can, that will make the world of difference.  So i’m going to keep working on this course, stay tuned, I’m going to let you know when it’s finished and when it will be available to the public.  In the meantime you can subscribe to my mailing list to be the first to know at tanyavalentinecoaching.com.

Thanks for tuning in to this episode filled with tips and encouragement on staying strong with those New Year’s resolutions.  As we hit mid-January, it’s normal to feel like our motivation’s taking a dip.

Remember, it’s not just about setting goals; it’s staying connected to why they matter to you and your loved ones. 

But let’s keep it real; setbacks happen, right? Life throws curveballs, sick kids, unexpected chaos—been there! Self-doubt creeps in, and it’s like a wrestling match with negative thoughts. 

I get it. Life happens, and it’s okay to adjust plans. Reset, reprioritize, and remember why your goal matters.

That ‘why’ is crucial! Attach your resolution to something or someone you deeply care about—it’s like a booster shot for motivation. 

 

So, let’s get back on track together! Schedule those recharge moments, plan for obstacles, measure your progress, and cut yourself some slack when things don’t go as planned. Remember, every small step adds up to big wins.

Speaking of wins, don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and review the podcast! Your support means the world and helps this podcast reach more amazing moms like you. Until next time, know that you are enough, you are significant, you matter.  I know you are doing the best you can and I am rooting for you! Have an amazing week with your family! Bye!