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You are listening to the moment and podcast episode number 1 turning pain into purpose welcome welcome to the show. My friends I cannot believe today is here. This has been something that has been on my heart for a very long time and I'm so excited to have the opportunity to share it with you the purpose of this podcast is to uplift give hope guidance and encouragement to help you navigate your motherhood. And life with more ease and grace that is what the podcasts I have listened to over the years have done for me and I'm here to pay it. Forward. This first episode is an introduction to me your host. It's my story of what led me to create this show. What I'm going to share with you is just a glimpse into my life. It's a little scary for me to share quite honestly, but I believe that it is important to tell and my hope for you is that you can take something out of it. Maybe you can relate to my story and not feel so alone maybe something you hear today will help prepare you better for circumstances in the future. Maybe something I say is something that you needed to hear at this exact moment in your life. No matter what you're going through. Maybe it just gives you hope.

 

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What I implore you to do is listen with an open mind and open heart and bear this question in mind. What can I take away from this have that question running in the back of your mind throughout this episode and I promise you you will get something out of it. So my name is tanya valentine. I am 37 years old and I live in a small town in Northwest Indiana with my husband Chris and our 3 children who are 5 3 and 1 their names are Lucia Rocco and Serena I'm originally from the Boston area and in case you were wondering how I ended up here in Indiana. It's because of my husband Chris is from here and we met in Cancun that's right. Cancun Mexico in 2007 on spring break and at the time I was working as a hairdresser. We dated long distance for about two and a half years until he bought a house and I moved out here to be with him and it's funny how things happen in your life that push you on the course that you're meant to be on um guys I had wanted to be a hairdresser since I was a kid. But what started to happen even before I met Chris is that something just didn't seem right I felt a little unfulfilled a nudge to do something different.

 

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I ended up taking some courses at the community college nearby but I really had no direction or clarity as to what exactly I wanted to do I can remember my cousin Nicole who was going to school to be a cna I think it was and it sparked this thought huh. Maybe I could be a nurse then when I moved to Indiana I kept running up against these roadblocks to get my indiana cosmetology license. So I thought to myself. Ok, well even when I get my hairdosing license here. I'm going to have to start from scratch again building my clientele. So maybe this is an opportunity to try something different that I've been getting this nudge to do so I decided to look into nursing school. And to make a very long story short I did what I needed to do to get into nursing school got my degree and I worked for about a decade as a med surge nurse at a hospital here in Northwest Indiana and as you can imagine. It was a very stressful demanding job. But I loved the people that I worked with I still love them. They're like a second family to me and the work that I was doing felt purposeful. It felt like I was making a difference and yet it also felt at times out of alignment.

 

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Gained an incredible amount of insight during my time as a nurse which deepened my appreciation for life for my health and just the privilege of having a functioning body. However I want it. Emphasize that I'm an extremely emotional person and I often describe myself as an empath in essence. This means that I experience emotions profoundly and can absorb the energy and feelings of others like a sponge. This trait posed a unique challenge for me while working in a hospital with patients who were unwell there were moments when I had to suppress my emotions due to the sheer volume of responsibilities and demands in a hospital setting. When you're there for someone receiving a cancer diagnosis for the first time or when you have to tag the toes of a deceased patient and place their body in a bag after caring for them for days. It has a profound impact on you. After encountering situations like this I think I developed a coping mechanism to shut off these emotions temporarily so I could focus on the immediate tasks at hand and the needs of other patients I was taking care of this often meant not being able to.

 

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Fully acknowledge reflect upon or pay proper respect to the life that had just been lost and the loved ones left behind this challenge intensified when I became a mother as it became increasingly difficult to balance the demands of nursing with the emotional. Hole it took on me and then when covid hit I had just returned from maternity leave a month prior and my son who was only five months old at the time. Um I can remember going back to work and questioning should I be doing this. Am I putting my family at risk by knowingly exposing myself to the big scary bear that is covered and rock was only five months old what if I bring this home to him but I also felt this responsibility that somebody's got to do it. And so I continued to work at the hospital but fast forward a year later it was Valentine's day 2021 and as I was driving to work I noticed I had a headache and a hint of dizziness which strangely mirrored. How I felt at the start of previous pregnancies and thought crossed my mind could I be pregnant I hadn't thought I was that late but I decided to stop at a Walgreens on my way to work just to be safe and I picked up a couple of pregnancy tests and when I got to the hospital i.

 

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I took one and shortly after glanced down to see the world pregnant on the stick. Ah my body was trembling my heart I remember was racing and just a wave of panic washed over me I already had a 3 year old and a one year old. And I hadn't planned for a third child how on earth was I going to manage 3 I felt utterly overwhelmed I vividly recall my friend melinda coming to work and she was the first person I confided in as the tears streamed down my face. And was just overcome with emotion Melinda a mother of 3 herself reassured me that everything would work out and as time went on I actually got excited to be pregnant again. Excited to get experience the excited to get to experience the miracle of birth again and you know that magical moment when you first meet skin to skin eye to eye with your baby and the thought of having a newborn again and all of the first The first time they laugh the first crawl the first walk First word. It all just brought me so much joy I also found myself in nesting mode I was searching for answers how to properly organize my home in my life so that I could be in a better position to handle a life with three kids that were 3 and under.

 

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I looked on pinterest I started listening to podcasts and it really was the podcasts that were pivotal to this fork in the road of my life I found this podcast which I highly recommend by the way called 3 in 30 takeaways for moms. Hosted by Rachel Nielsen it's a podcast for moms to find more meaning in motherhood. It was the episode. She did about loving someone when it is hard that inspired me I remember thinking to myself who is that person for me. Who is someone in my life that is hard to love. It. Didn't take long for me to come up with the answer I will not share this person's name just out of respect for her and her family but we will just call her Sally and Sally is someone in my life that I care for. But who was quite frankly hard to love due to some choices that she had made in my thoughts about those choices we had been estranged from Sally for some time she was into drugs and it landed her into some trouble. She was stealing and in and out of jail. But listening to this episode inspired me to really start praying for her to really try hard to generate this feeling of love for her and I came up with ideas of how I could maybe start welcoming her back into our lives even though I didn't.

 

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Fully trust her I loved what Rachel shares on this podcast this idea of loving someone from here. It's this idea that you don't have to be physically or even necessarily emotionally close to someone in order to love them. And this really resonated with me. This idea was one I could get on board with so I began to pray for Sally at this point I'm going to put a pin in the story about Sally and we will come back to it so then when I was about. 9 ine weeks pregnant Chris came down with covid and I was pregnant Lucia was 3 Rocco was one and my husband had covid we did everything we could to quarantine him he tried to stay in our bedroom as much as possible I wore an n nine five mask anytime I had to go near him. Even slept on a blowup mattress in our living room which was extremely uncomfortable. Um, and then a week later Lucia ended up coming down with it and then roco shortly after her and then finally I was the last person to get it and I remember when it started. Might sound weird but I could feel it running through my veins. The body aches were the worst and then towards the end is when I felt short of breath which I think was compounded by the fact that I was pregnant and anyone who has ever been pregnant I'm sure remembers this feeling of being short of breath.

 

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But this was a whole another level I remember getting short of breath doing something as simple as sitting down in folding laundry I even had to stop to take deep breaths when I would read short stories to the kids. So I called my o bg I m because I was worried about the baby. But understandably they said I couldn't be seen until after I was out of quarantine so that was it there I was I worried but I tried to stay positive and we all eventually got better and life went back to normal until it was time for my twelve week Ultrasound Chris wasn't able to come for the covid restrictions in place at the time but that was okay I thought um he was able to be there for the first two I remember laying on the table in so much pain from holding my bladder because you know they have you drink thirty two ounces of water and then you're not supposed to use the bathroom.

 

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Anyway, I'm laying on the table and she's running the probe along my pelvis and she said to me I'm going to go ahead and have you use the bathroom I'm going to do a transactional ultrasound instead I remember thinking Thank God I Have to be so bad. But also this is different should I be worried. And when I came back. She started the probe I remember looking at the monitor and seeing the baby but she wasn't moving the ultrasound text said tanya I'm so sorry but this baby doesn't have a heartbeat. And I was just overcome with emotion The tears flooded I felt like my breath had been taken away. She said I'd hug you but with Covid we're not supposed to and she handed me a box of tissues I understood but you know at that moment I really could've used the hug. Um, she explained that she was going to step out and speak to the doctor. She walked me to a room where the doctor would then go over options with me and answer any questions. The doctor ended up explaining to me that it was most likely covid that caused the miscarriage. And she explained that Covid compromises a blood flow in the blood vessels and how this can impair the Oxygen and blood supply going to the fetus. She gave me options of surgery taking a pill to induce the passing of the remaining tissue or just letting it pass.

 

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On its own naturally and the thought of surgery to me just sounded really traumatic and with two little children. The idea of going under anesthesia just scared me and with this being my second miscarriage I knew what to expect. And although this one was farther along than the previous miscarriage. My doctor assured me that it was safe to do naturally and she just warned to expect more bleeding than the previous one because I was farther along. So ultimately I chose to go the natural route. I was then walked out the back door of the office which to me was a little unsettling I think the intention from them was to be compassionate towards me and I'm sure this is a protocol or something but for me what I felt was shame. Like do they not want me walking through a waiting room full of pregnant women with my eyes red nose running and tears pouring down my face anyway, maybe that's a story for another day. So fast forward Two weeks later we had just returned from the why and. I had just gotten rocco down for a nap when the contractions started I decided to lie down with lucia on my bed and watch a movie and simply just breathe through the discomfort now this is where it gets a bit detailed. So if you have little ones around.

 

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You might want to pause and grab your airpods. So ah, suddenly a powerful contraction hit and it felt like a release followed by a warm gush of blood in my pants. So I jumped out of bed and I rushed to the bathroom. I can remember sitting on the toilet and I saw blood just pouring out of my body. It was unreal and after a while I attempted to get up and get some pads I placed 1 in my underwear and I pulled up my pants but within seconds. The pad was completely saturated and I started to walk from our bedroom to the kitchen but I couldn't even make it because I was bleeding so bad so I stopped midway in this small bathroom that we have by our front door. And I had to call out to lucia to grab me the pads and this girl only three years old god bless her but she was able to figure out what I was talking about and where they were and she brought them to me but I couldn't get up off the toilet I was starting to feel flush and sweatily. And sweaty and ah luckily I have my phone on me and I called Chris and fortunately he was on his way home and I think I called 9 one 1 just before he got home and I remember having this feeling of just impending doom I was terrified.

 

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And the woman who answered the phone she was so nice and god bless all of you emergency medical dispatchers because this woman stayed on the phone with me. She gave me the assurance that I needed she reminded me what I needed to do to focus on my breathing. She asked me questions to keep me engaged and I remember falling forward and Chris found me passed out in our bathroom I remember being on the phone with a woman and her guiding me to have Chris pack me a hospital bag I remember telling him specifically to make sure he packed my bible of all things. Ah, she assured me that the responders were on their way and that she'd stay on the phone until they got there and she did and when they did get there I remember it was an older gentleman who was maybe about my dad's age and a woman who is probably around my age. They took my vitals and my blood pressure I remember was seventy over forty and if you aren't familiar with normal ranges. This is very low. The man I think his name was barrie if not. We'll just call him Barry anyway, he asked if I could get up and there was no way first of all I was so and. Incredibly weak and second I knew the bleeding wasn't stopping so this man he grabbed a large pad what we at the hospital would refer to as a chucks. But if you're not familiar with this It's basically a doggy peepy pad.

 

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Anyway, he maneuvered this pad underneath me somehow and picked me up and put me on the stretcher I remember they put the oxygen oxygen on me and I gave Chris a Kiss Goodbye and he had already kind of hid lucia in the kitchen. An attempt to protect her from the site of what was unfolding. Ah, so then I'm in the ambulance and I'm just terrified I remember so vividly just begging pleading with god to spare my life and the most important thing was I did not want to leave my children they were at the forefront of my mind my babies.

 

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Paramedics they were wonderful. Thank you paramedics for all that you do really they saved my life Barry he started 2 ivs on me in the back of that ambulance and he started administering 2 bags of iv fluid I remember praying and thinking I just need to make it to the hospital once I'm there I'll be fine. So I make it there. They connect me to a monitor, take some labs do another ultrasound give me some iv fluids and my hemoglobate at the time was 8 something. The normal range is 11.6 to 15 now if you're unfamiliar with the term hemoglobin. It's a protein that's in your red blood cells. That's responsible for delivering oxygen to your tissues and this is a measurement. We take to figure out. Basically whether or not you need a blood transfusion. So the yeah er doc he gets on the phone with my ob B Joanne and they decide after some time has gone by to send me home and the plan was they were going to give me side attack now and I was to take another dose a few hours later then I'd follow up in the office the next day now this medication it's given a help. Get rid of any remaining tissues in the uterus after a miscarriage because if it's not removed. You can end up bleeding for a really long time or develop an infection but also it causes more bleeding and I was already bleeding a lot but I thought okay they know what they're doing.

 

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But also there was something in me that was screaming something is wrong. You've got to advocate for yourself. Well I didn't because I think I was worried I didn't want to be that pain in the butt patient. Teachable moment right here. My friends always always advocate for yourself and others when something just doesn't seem right? Don't worry about what others will think about you or how you might make them feel just speak up. So anyway, my mother-in-law bless her heart drove me home from the hospital. And on the way home I just didn't feel right that feeling of impending doom returned I felt that warm flood again in my pants and when we got home luckily Chris was in the garage waiting for me and as I walked from the car to the garage I just remember my eyes being open. And everything just going completely black. It was like the lights went out is the craziest thing they ended up calling 9 one 1 again and I had woke my mother in lawslapping me in the face and I was gasping for air and they sat me down on the steps and held me. As we waited for the ambulance to come now a second time and when the ambulance arrived it was the same 2 paramedics as before and I remember hearing the woman say I can't believe they sent her home I remember asking them both am I going to be okay I was so scared.

 

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And they assure me I would I needed that calm reassurance that everything was going to be okay, um, and then when we arrived at the hospital now when they checked my hemogloin. It was 6.8 so it went from 8 something to now 6.8 which was low enough to require a blood transfusion. Which to me was scary I was a nurse I was familiar with blood transfusions I I had been the nurse initiating the blood transfusion to numerous patients but I had never been on the receiving end of it. So knowing the possible risks involved I was a little scared but I was also scared of what would happen if I didn't accept the blood. So I signed the consent. The blood was ordered and then I was told I would be admitted to the hospital and they were sending me to the maternity floor. Where all of the women were with their newborn babies I couldn't help but feel so sad and sorry for myself, they wheeled me up there and I met my nurse who was so incredibly sweet and kind. They started the blood and in the meantime I was all alone. My husband was at home with the kids and I didn't have any family nearby I was still bleeding profusely and as kind as a nurse was she was helping me clean up while I was in bed with tubes connected to my arms. She helped me change into a new gown and she replaced my blood soap sheets. She was so wonderful.

 

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Um, but in that moment a determination just surged within me I told myself okay Tanya this is it. You have to advocate for yourself. This is your life on the line think about your kids so that was when I said to the nurse is a doctor going to see me because I know you guys are giving me blood. But. It doesn't make any sense because it's coming right out of me. We've got to do something to stop the bleeding I knew she agreed and she called the doctor who gave her in order to weigh the pads every time I would go through them and so she did and eventually the doctor came to the bedside raised my bed. And without any explanation of what to expect forcefully reached inside me as she pushed down on my pelvis and pulled out clots. The size of baseballs. It was so incredibly painful and when she was. Done she asked if I wanted to do a Dnc and I said yes, whatever will make this bleeding stop and her response was something to the effect of well you know a lot of women do this on their own at home without surgery and although I felt like this was a little bit of a jab. And maybe I would have normally been offended. My mission was clear and I knew what needed to be done I was going to survive this and in order to do that. The bleeding had to stop. So I think it was like 2 or 3 in the morning when they ended up doing the Dnc and I was.

 

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Scared but I really felt like this had to be done I sent a strong prayer up to god as they applied the mask and counted down in that freezing cold or and the next thing I knew I woke up on a recovery bed and although it was rough. Felt tremendous relief and gratitude for my life that next day my mom was on a flight out here to help and it was so good to have her here I was so shaken up by what had just happened and my mom was able to help out with the kids she cleaned my house. She made our meals. She hugged me she listened she prayed with me and I was just so grateful. She was able to be there with me. Okay, so remember that woman I was telling you about earlier the one who I began praying for the one I was trying to love. Even though it was hard while exactly two weeks to the day of this happening I received a phone call that Sally was pregnant I was so angry it was like I was experiencing the loss of my baby all over again I remember thinking this isn't there. She doesn't deserve to be a mom. How is she going to take care of this baby and you guys here's the worst thought I had please don't judge me for it. But I want to be transparent with you and it's something I'm a little ashamed of but I know the cure to shame is bringing that thing you're ashamed of into the light.

 

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And this was the thought I don't want her baby I want my baby I was worried that I was going to be the one taking care of her baby and I wanted the baby I had just lost Lord please forgive me for that one but that was. What was true for me at the time this was so hard for me and not just that. But it became hard for me to see or even be around pregnant women and I'm ashamed to say this one too. But even one of my very good friends who was pregnant at the time who had. Actually a very similar experience of a miscarriage. She had her baby shower that june and I just couldn't break myself to go I actually I did actually have to work that weekend anyway. But I know that if I wasn't in this state I would have tried to find someone to cover my shift. I knew I needed help so I started virtual therapy and I listened to more podcast geared to personal and spiritual growth and development I read books like the body keeps a score the 5 a m club and your sole purpose. I'll link to these books if anyone's interested by the way in the show notes. But anyway I kept hearing about life coaching and it came up so much I thought there must be something to this I think my angels want me to pay attention to something. Ah, but I didn't know.

 

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Didn't know any life coaches I didn't know anyone who had 1 or where to even find a reputable life coach and so the journey began my search led me to find the life coach school and that's when the transformation began I began listening to Brooke Castillo's podcast and. Fell in love with her and everything she teaches and so I sign up for her coaching program and after receiving coaching I had a profound realization. This was it. It was the clarity and direction I had been praying for I wanted to continue helping people. But not in the same capacity as my nursing career I yearned for a new purpose a way to contribute to others and my family while having the flexibility to be there when they needed me that's when life coaching emerged as the answer. So taking a monumental leap I made a significant financial investment and enrolled in the coach certification program. But here's the twist of fate a few months after enrolling I discovered I was pregnant again. It wasn't something we were planning and I know myself well enough to recognize that if I had known about the pregnancy earlier I might not have pursued the coach the coach training. So the timing felt divinely orchestrated. So I found myself pregnant with a four year old now and a 2 year old

 

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Working part time as a nurse and committed to the coach certification program. It was a challenging juggling act. But I was determined and we made it work. Thankfully I graduated and received my certification just a month before our third child's Serena arrived and. After her birth I took a step back to decide whether to return to nursing and through some soul searching and the help of coaching both giving and receiving coaching I made the courageous choice. Not to return to the hospital and to embark on the entrepreneurial journey. This journey has been a long road filled with doubts obstacles moments of self-doubt including those imposter feelings yet through the experience the ongoing trainings and the coaching. I stand here today sharing my journey and experiences with you I'm immensely proud that a dream has become a reality podcasts played a significant role in shaping my path and I continue to love learning and hearing people's stories. Today I have the privilege of doing just that sharing stories knowledge and inspiration with all of you so that's just a glimpse of my story. It may seem like I've shared a lot but there is actually much more I haven't covered.

 

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My intention was to create a sense of connection to make you feel like we're friends if you've experienced something similar I want you to feel understood and reassured that you're not alone in your journey I also want to share the news that Sally is doing well today. She has been on a clean and positive path since her pregnancy and she now has an adorable healthy son who is nearly two years old initially the thought that she didn't deserve to be a mom weighed heavily on me, but it didn't sit right in my heart. While I do have compassion for the feelings that led me there I'm grateful I didn't linger in that space. It's just not who I aspire to be moreover this is what I had prayed for even though the answer didn't unfold exactly as I had imagined. I had sent up a heartfelt prayer asking for help to guide Sally away from substance use and to reunite her with her family and that's precisely what transpired it's astounding how the presence of children has that transformative power to change us compelling us to become better. More compassionate individuals. This is a weekly podcast for moms deep in the trenches of motherhood often grappling with overwhelming moments each week you can expect either insightful interviews with fellow moms or solo episodes where I share my experiences.

 

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Explore new concepts or introduce tools aimed at inspiring a fresh perspective. This perspective shift can help you embrace the blessings around you find solutions to perceived challenges and ultimately improve your well-being. I just want this to be a place where we can vulably share our stories so we can realize we are not alone whoever you are wherever you are listening I believe you are here for a reason I believe that it isn't a coincidence that you are listening to this. At this very time in your life. The message hitting your ears right? now is one that your soul knew you were meant to hear for whatever reason if you can just stay open and take away 1 thing from this episode that will help you get over the inertia gather gather momentum. And propel you onto the path. Your soul came here to walk and I've done my job here. You have a unique gift to share. Don't believe the lies that you tell yourself you are enough I was recently asked by my coach. How do you define not being enough. She said it's a trick question meaning there is no such thing. It's just a thought I'm not enough or I'll be enough when because it isn't true. Can you ever think of a time when you believed, you would feel better once you achieved something or once you got over an obstacle.

 

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Think of it I'll feel better when I have a boyfriend I'll feel better when I have a ring on my finger I'll feel better when I have the family when I lose the weight when I get the degree when I earn the money fill in the blank but did you ever notice that you get there and maybe you feel good for a moment. But. Many of us were like okay now what?? what's next our brain goes to work looking for something wrong. Our brain was designed to look for the negatives because what it's doing is scanning the environment for danger your brain wants to keep you safe and the way it does that. Is with this program called what's wrong. So We look for the things that are wrong, but we have got to balance that out because that negative talk can break us. It prevents us from showing up in the way that we want to and from living our best lives it makes us hide. We don't share our value with the world because we are scared we are scared what others might think of us and we are scared that they will judge us. This is our primitive brain trying to keep us safe. Our brains have evolved to believe that we must be accepted by the tribe because if not. Might be kicked out and that would lead to death but we don't need to be afraid of the lions anymore this way of thinking is old in worn out. It doesn't serve us anymore. In fact, it does quite the opposite. It prevents us from showing up as the fullest expression of ourselves our unique fingerprint.

 

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Which is our puzzle piece that completes the whole we are all connected. Have you ever done a puzzle where all of the puzzle pieces were the exact same shape. No. It just wouldn't work be your own unique piece of the puzzle bring your unique gifts and let's. Together work to uplift the consciousness of every human being that crosses our path choose love over feel choose love over fear. Thank you so much for joining us today on the momentum podcast I hope you can feel all of the love I am sending you. I know your time is valuable and I want you to know I appreciate you spending it with me if you found this show valuable will you do me a favor and give me a quick rating and review it would mean the world to me and it would help more people find the show so I can impact and help more moms just like you. We are stronger together and if you like the show make sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. My friend life will always present us with challenges. But within those challenges, there's an opportunity to discover beauty and tap into your inner strength. Take back the reins from that scattered mind lead with love from your heart and know that you have the power to handle any challenge life throws your way until next time stay strong. You've got this.