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Hello and welcome to another episode of the Mom-entum Podcast, the show dedicated to inspiring, uplifting and empowering women on their journey through motherhood.  I’m your host, Tanya Valentine and I’m so happy you are here.

 

How is everyone doing today?  Is the weather starting to warm up where you live? We’ve had a few unseasonably warm days here in Indiana as well as some days that have just felt frigid.  Just last week my son Rocco had a field trip and it actually was snowing. I was like what in the what? No. I am done with snow.  Fortunately it didn’t accumulate or anything, but I’m ready for the warm weather.  I just want to be able to go outside and not have to worry about putting on all of the layers, you know what I mean?  But the trees are blooming and the perennials are coming up from the ground, so that’s reassuring!

 

OK so today I’m going to be talking about anxiety, and this is going to be a powerful episode for any of you who suffer with anxiety, I really believe what I’m going to talk about today is going to be game-changing for you as it has been for me and my clients.  But before we get into today’s episode I’d like to first thank you so much for taking the time to tune in today, I always say that time is our most valuable asset and I really appreciate you using your time to listen to this podcast. 

 

And second, I would like to ask a favor.  If you’ve been enjoying the podcast and it’s brought you even a little encouragement, inspiration, or just made you feel a bit more seen — I’d be so grateful if you could take a moment to support the show. One of the best ways you can do that is by leaving a rating and review. And if you feel like this podcast truly resonates with you, I’d be honored if you’d leave a 5-star review — those make the biggest impact when it comes to getting the show in front of more moms who need to hear it.

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So again, thanks so much for being here. Every little bit of support helps me keep showing up and sharing this space with you!

Now onto today’s show.  So anxiety.  How many of you suffer with it?  And guess what, if you are a human, you have experienced some form of anxiety.  So if anxiety is something that you suffer from, just understand that this is a normal human emotion.  Because anxiety is a feeling that has been necessary for our survival.  I mean think about it.  Anxiety causes us to worry about the future and then if we use that anxiety to prepare for the future, it ensures our survival and success.  

For example, anxiety actually served a really important purpose for our hunter-gatherer ancestors. Imagine winter was coming — food would be scarce, weather would be harsh, and survival depended on being prepared. That anxious feeling? It was their brain’s way of saying, “Hey, we need to get moving — gather more food, build shelter, make sure we’re ready.”

Without that little internal alarm system, they might have felt too relaxed or indifferent to take the necessary steps to survive. Anxiety helped motivate action — to plan ahead, stay alert, and protect their families. It wasn’t about worrying just to worry — it was a survival tool, helping them avoid danger and meet their needs before it was too late.

The problem today is that our brains still sound the same alarms, even when the “threat” isn’t life-or-death. Now it might be a messy house, an overflowing inbox, or what someone thinks of us — but our nervous system responds like we’re still in the wild trying to outrun a snowstorm or a tiger.

My goal for you today is to get you to start thinking about anxiety a little different.  Recognize  and use it for the tool that I believe it was meant to be-to motivate action to ensure survival and success.  Now I’m going to talk about different ways you can flip anxiety on its head and use it in your favor, but I’m also going to introduce some powerful ways that you can tame it when it becomes problematic.  Like for example what you can do to help calm yourself down when you’re in the middle of a full on panic attack.

 

So first, let me introduce a new way of thinking about anxiety for you.  So anxiety in and of itself is not a problem.  Like I just said, it’s a normal emotion that in our evolution as humans, has been necessary for our survival, because of anxiety we have been motivated enough to prepare and take action to stay alive.  Now, when anxiety becomes a problem is when we resist it, avoid it, or react to it.  Now there is a fourth way that you can choose to respond to anxiety that is I think the best option and will help you feel better and will ultimately ensure the best outcomes.  And I will talk about that in a minute, but first let me just explain these 3 other options with you.  

So the first way we respond to anxiety is that we resist it.  Resisting is trying to push down, pretend it’s not there, or tighten up against the feeling instead of allowing it.

Any time we resist something it creates a lot of tension that eventually ends up blowing up in our face.  My teacher, Brooke Castillo gives a great metaphor for this; she says its like trying to hold a beach ball underwater.  It takes a great deal of effort to hold it down and then as soon as you let go it pops up out of the water with a whole lot of force.  That’s what resisting anxiety is like.  It’s like when your kid is having a temper tantrum in the car and you are trying to ignore it, hold it together, and stay calm but eventually you can’t take it anymore and you explode.

Resisting anxiety shows up as tension, irritability, trying to control everything, and snapping at loved ones.  The result is that the anxiety builds and it leaks out sideways.

The 2nd way we respond to anxiety is that we try to avoid it.  Avoiding is distracting yourself from the feeling altogether so you don’t have to face it.

So for example, maybe you’re worried about a doctor’s appointment for your child, but instead of sitting with that worry, you scroll social media for an hour, eat when you’re not even hungry, or you clean obsessively — anything to stay “busy.”

You know you are avoiding anytime you overuse  distractions like the phone, food, wine, busyness, procrastination, any behaviors that would help numb your emotions.

Then the result of this is that you get short-term relief, but the anxiety returns stronger because the root fear wasn’t addressed.

Now the 3rd way we respond to anxiety is we react to it.

What this means is we let anxiety take the wheel and drive our actions without slowing down to think or feel.

So for example maybe your child comes home with a bad grade, and your mind jumps to, “She’s falling behind! What if she can’t keep up?” And before even talking to her, you send a panicked email to the teacher and sign her up for tutoring — even though she just had one bad day.

You know you are reacting to anxiety when you make panic-driven decisions, overparent, micromanage, yell, or spiral out of control.

This results in actions taken from fear, not clarity —which often increases anxiety in you and your child.

Now do not fear there is another way you can respond to anxiety, a better way.  And that is to allow it.  And to allow it immediately gives you authority over it.  Think about when you allow your child to do something, you are in the power position, you are giving them permission to do something.  So in this way, when you say you are going to allow anxiety to be there, which you might as well because it already is, but it gives you that authority over it and it gives you back your control.

So what it looks like to allow is first to just become aware that you are experiencing anxiety and call it out.  Acknowledge that it is there.  Name it, say this is anxiety.  

And then remember that our feelings are caused by our thoughts. And thoughts are just sentences in our brains.  So what I learned to do, and this has been seriously game-changing, is to say either out loud or in my head, “ I’m feeling anxiety because of a sentence in my brain.” And you can just repeat this “I am feeling anxiety because of a sentence in my brain”.  And this just helps calm you down enough, it helps remind you that this is just anxiety, that nothing has gone wrong and you’re not going to die.  And it will enable you to calm down enough to focus on the next step which is just allowing it.  You are literally just going to sit with it, and just breath, and notice what the emotion of anxiety feels like in your body.  Emotions are just vibrations in our body.  So that’s all this is.  Anxiety is just a vibration in our body.  It’s not exactly the best feeling, that's why we do all these things to resist and avoid it.  But knowing that if we just allow it, it might not feel good, but this is going to help ensure the best outcome.  Now you don’t want to be in a hurry to get through it, that’s resisting it.  It’s when you're like ok I’m going to do this so I can hurry up and feel better.  No, that’s not allowing.  And let me just say, this is one of those things that is so simple, yes, but it is not easy to do.  Not when you are in the heat of the moment and you have been so practiced at resisting, avoiding or reacting to it.  

But how you get better at something is by practicing, by doing it.  Knowing that you are not going to get it perfect, and that’s ok, but acknowledging yourself for trying, and giving yourself credit for trying and celebrate your progress.

So as you are sitting with the anxiety, you are processing it.  To process it is to basically do a body scan.  You can either do this with your eyes open or shut.  But go from head to toe and just describe the feeling of anxiety and where it is in your body as if you are describing it to someone who has no idea what anxiety is.  Go through your entire body and describe it in the most detailed way possible.  So for example you could say my head feels like it’s buzzing, my shoulders and my throat feel tight, my chest feels heavy, it feels like someone is sitting on my chest.  Describe if it has a color and shape.  So maybe it’s a big black ball in the center of my chest.  Ask yourself, is it moving?  Is it vibrating? Is it fast or slow?  Does it have a texture?  Is it slimy, is it spiky?  What does it feel like in your arms, fingers, in your toes?  And the whole time you are doing this, make sure you are taking slow, deep breaths in and out.  This is what processing an emotion looks like and it helps the emotion move through your body, rather getting stuck in your fascia, creating this stagnant energy that can accumulate and create problems.  

Think of emotions like water. When you process an emotion — like anxiety, sadness, or anger — it’s like letting that water flow through you like a river. It moves, it has a current, and eventually it passes. Sure, it might feel uncomfortable for a moment, but that movement is what keeps your emotional system clear and healthy.

But when you resist or avoid the emotion, it’s like trying to dam up the river — you hold it back, suppress it, or distract yourself from it. And over time, that water becomes stagnant — like a still pond that starts to collect gunk, algae, and even a little stink. That’s what happens inside us too. The energy of that emotion gets trapped, and instead of passing through, it lingers. It weighs us down, clogs up our emotional bandwidth, and can even come out sideways — in the form of stress, irritability, or feeling stuck.

Processing is letting it flow. Resisting or avoiding is letting it sit and settle. And just like a clean, flowing river feels fresh and alive, so do we when we allow our emotions to move through us.

 

Now, before I let you go, I want to share a quick story with you that really cemented this idea of allowing anxiety for me — and it happened during one of the most surprising moments of my life.

I was taking a strength training class at the YMCA, and I was pregnant with Serena at the time. Out of nowhere, I felt a panic attack coming on. My heart started racing, my chest felt tight, and I had that familiar rush of heat and dread flood my body. Normally, I would have done anything to escape that feeling — leave the room, distract myself, try to “power through.”

But that day, I decided to try something different.

Instead of running from it, I allowed it.

In my head, I named it: “This is anxiety.” I told myself, “This is just a vibration in my body. Nothing has gone wrong.” I started describing it to myself as if I were explaining it to someone who had never felt it before. “My chest feels heavy. My hands feel tingly. There’s a tightness in my throat.” I kept breathing slowly, gently. I didn’t try to fix it or change it.

And something amazing happened: it passed.

It didn’t escalate. It didn’t take me down. It just… moved through me.

That experience was so powerful for me. It reminded me that I can sit with uncomfortable emotions — even in the middle of a strength training class — and they don’t have to control me. And you can too.

That’s what allowing looks like. And if you need a little help remembering the steps in the moment, go back and check out the episode where I shared my SNAP method — Snap before you snap. It’s a great tool for emotional regulation, and it fits perfectly with everything we talked about today:

• S – Stop. Just pause and notice what’s happening.
   

• N – Name the emotion. “This is anxiety.”
   

• A – Allow it. Let it be there without resistance.
   

• P – Process it. Tune into your body and describe what it feels like.
   

You can use this not only when you’re spiraling or panicking, but also in those everyday moments of overwhelm that we all face as moms — when the house is a mess, the kids are yelling, dinner’s burning, and you feel like you might just lose it.

You don’t need to fear your emotions. They’re just messengers — and when we let them in, feel them, and let them go, we create space for peace, clarity, and strength.

I hope today’s episode helped you feel a little more seen and a little more empowered in your relationship with anxiety. You are not alone. You are not broken. You are just human.

Thank you so much for spending this time with me today. If you found this episode helpful, please share it with a friend, leave a review, or tag me on social. It means the world to me — and it helps this message reach more mamas who might need it.

Remember, you are strong, you are capable, and you are doing an amazing job.

I love you all, and I’ll talk to you next week.