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Hello and welcome to another episode of The Mom-entum Podcast, the show dedicated to inspiring, uplifting and empowering women on their journey through motherhood.  I’m your host, Tanya Valentine, and I’m so grateful you are taking the time to listen today.

So last week, I dove into A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose by Eckhart Tolle—a book I’ve been wanting to read for a while. It’s already having such a transformative impact on my life, and I couldn’t wait to share some of the insights with you all. And if you happened to miss last week’s episode, I encourage you to listen to it, but not to worry if you haven’t listened yet.  I’ll give you a quick recap of what we went over right now.

We talked about two key concepts from the book: ego and consciousness. Eckhart describes the ego as a false sense of self made up of thoughts, beliefs, and identifications. And I think of it as that little devil on your shoulder constantly seeking validation, comparing itself to others, and driving dissatisfaction. On the other hand, consciousness is who we truly are—the formless awareness beneath all of those thoughts.

Now, here’s the tricky part: Eckhart says you can’t really define consciousness because it’s beyond words and thought.  It’s like when you try to define it with words, then you are thinking, you are in your head.  It’s outside of the realm of thought. But you can experience it by being fully present and observing your thoughts without identifying with them. It’s like being the calm, unbothered witness to the mental chatter in your mind.

I also shared one of my all-time favorite Eckhart quotes: “Worry pretends to be necessary.” Seriously, this one changed my life. Worrying doesn’t solve anything—it just creates stress and can even make you physically sick. I shared a personal story about how this quote helped me stay calm when my husband Chris broke his leg in two places. I made a conscious decision not to worry because I knew it wouldn’t change the outcome. And honestly? That mindset shift made all the difference.

If you’re a chronic worrier, I encouraged you to make this quote your mantra: “Worry pretends to be necessary.” Put it on a Post-it note, make it your phone wallpaper, and remind yourself whenever those anxious thoughts start creeping in.

This book is helping me show up more consciously for my kids and be less reactive—and that’s why I wanted to share it with you. If you’re looking for more peace, less stress, and a way to show up as your best self, I truly believe this book can be life-changing.

So now, this week, we’re diving even deeper into Eckhart Tolle’s teachings, focusing on suffering.  I know, I know, you might be thinking “Suffering? That sounds awful! Why would I ever want to put my attention on anything related to suffering.” But hear me out. Eckhart presents suffering as a paradox: the ego is the source of a lot of human suffering, but it’s also suffering that dissolves the ego. And he emphasizes that it’s conscious suffering, actually, that dissolves the ego. How wild is that? I’ll unpack what that means and how we can use this understanding to find freedom from suffering in our everyday lives as moms.

So let’s talk about how the ego causes suffering for a minute.  Our ego, this entity in our mind, causes suffering because it creates separation, it’s like there is me and then there are others.  

 

Rather than the truth,which is we are all one, we are all interconnected, and every decision and action we take affects the whole.  

 

But the ego focuses on the differences of others. Its focus is inferiority and superiority.  How am I better or worse than others? If you think you are better than others, or even if you identify as being inferior to others, that’s your ego. 

 

Eckhart says, “The ego creates separation and separation creates suffering”  Think about this right now and how it is true. How is it true at the level of your inner circle, your family, your group of friends, and how is this true as it relates to the whole world?  The conflict we have with others creates separation and this conflict is under the influence of the ego.  The conflict is created by the ego. Ego causes suffering. It’s incapable of seeing the suffering it causes itself and others.

 

So Eckhart says that the ego is dissolved by conscious suffering.  Let’s talk about what conscious suffering is compared to just suffering by itself.  So conscious suffering is essentially acceptance.  Eckhart says that all suffering is caused from resisting the present moment. It’s saying “it shouldn’t be this way, that shouldn’t have happened.”  The ego says “ I shouldn’t have to suffer”.  But Eckhart says, “You need to say yes to suffering before you can transcend it.”

 

It makes me think of my daughter and how sometimes she doesn’t want to go to school in the morning.  She creates so much suffering for herself and for other people when she is resisting what is, which is that she has to go to school.  But she doesn’t want to go to school.  So she takes her sweet time getting out of bed, sometimes I need to actually physically remove her from the bed.  Then she procrastinates eating her breakfast and getting ready.  And the whole time she is whining and sometimes even crying that she doesn’t want to go to school, that she’ll miss me too much.  And the whole time she’s creating all of this stress on me and on herself because there’s the energy that she’s burning, getting herself all worked up about this, there’s the stress and irritation that her brother, sister and I experience of having to listen to it, then there’s the stress of having to rush to get ready to get to school on time because she is procrastinating and moving so slowly.  Versus, she could just be like, ya, I really don’t want to go to school.  I’m not that enthusiastic about going today.  I miss my mom when I’m there. But it is what it is.  I have to go to school, like it or not.  And sometimes we have to do things that we don’t want to do.  And then we just move through the motions calmly, and we get out the door on time without having to rush because we haven’t waited until the last minute to get going.  So to me, that’s a good example of unconscious suffering vs. conscious suffering.  It’s saying yes to suffering.  It’s being like yes this is hard.  It’s not lying to yourself.  It’s acknowledging your feelings. And saying it is what it is.  I am going to accept this moment for what it is. It shouldn’t be any other way because this is what I’ve got right now.  Everything is as it should be.  I might not like it, and that’s ok. So now what.  And that creates a very different energy than resisting what is.  When we resist, we waste so much time and energy, it creates very low vibrational emotions that make us contract and it blocks creativity from flowing in.  Creative energy that is possibility, potential solutions, and opportunities that show up when you are in that higher vibrational flow with life.  When you are saying yes to life and just going with the flow.

 

Eckhart says, “Suffering has a purpose: the evolution of consciousness and the burning up of the ego.”

 

He says that resistance creates more ego to burn up, whereas with acceptance, there’s an acceleration to the burning up of the ego because you suffer consciously. He says, “The fire of suffering becomes the light of consciousness “

 

In episode 59, I had Rachel Nielson on from the 3 in 30 podcast, and she spoke on this topic specifically as it relates to our children.  Because as parents, it's so hard to see our children struggle, and it’s so tempting to want to swoop in and fix things and make it go away.  But struggle is an unavoidable, necessary part of life.  It’s an important part of any human being’s growth and development, it refines our character and we never know how it will fit into the story of our life.  I can link this episode in the show notes, too, if you’d like to listen to it, Rachel gives excellent tips on how to support your kids through their struggles in a healthy way.

 

But one more thing I want to say about this is that acceptance doesn’t mean defeat.  It doesn’t mean you don’t do anything to change the situation you are in.  Remember the serenity prayer, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

An example of this is a story from Napoleon Hill’s Think and Grow Rich, where he recounts the inspiring journey of his son, Blair.

Blair was born without ears and no physical ability to hear. Doctors told Hill that Blair would be permanently deaf and would likely face a life of limitations. However, Hill refused to accept this prognosis. He was determined to instill in Blair a mindset of possibility rather than defeat. Hill repeatedly affirmed to his son that he would one day hear, even though there was no medical solution at the time.

Despite his physical condition, Blair grew up with a strong belief in his ability to succeed. Hill never treated him as disabled, and that mental conditioning helped Blair develop resilience and creativity. Remarkably, Blair eventually developed partial hearing ability, even though medical experts deemed it impossible.

As an adult, Blair’s story took an even more miraculous turn. He became a pioneer in helping others with hearing impairments. Blair joined a company that sold hearing aid devices and played a significant role in promoting new technology that helped countless people hear for the first time. His work was instrumental in bringing hearing solutions to individuals who, like him, had faced lifelong challenges.

Moral of the story, while it’s important to embrace life as it is, without resistance. Acceptance doesn’t mean giving up; it means understanding the current situation and then deciding how to move forward with purpose and intention.

Napoleon Hill’s story illustrates this perfectly. Hill didn’t deny the reality of his son’s condition—he accepted that Blair was born without ears. However, instead of resigning to the limitations society placed on his son, he chose to believe in a better future and instilled that belief in Blair. Acceptance became the foundation for action, resilience, and ultimately transformation.

The lesson here is that acceptance doesn’t mean passivity; it means freeing yourself from resistance so you can channel your energy into growth and solutions. Hill accepted the situation but rejected defeat. Similarly, when we accept our current circumstances without judgment, we open the door to creativity, persistence, and unexpected success.

Eckhart says “Only if you resist what happens, are you at the mercy of what happens. And the world will determine your happiness and unhappiness”.  And I don’t know abot you but I don’t like the idea of someone else or something else being in control of my happiness.  It makes me feel so powerless.  Not to mention, it’s impossible.  It’s not someone else’s job to make me happy.  It’s my job, it’s an inside job.  It’s true, and yet it can be so easy to forget especially when we are in the grip of the ego and we are so identified with the story we are creating in our heads. 

 

In the book, Eckhart shares this Zen parable that beautifully illustrates the power of acceptance and non-resistance.

It goes like this:

There was a Zen master who lived a simple, peaceful life in a village. He was well-respected for his wisdom and calm demeanor. One day, a young woman in the village became pregnant. When her parents demanded to know who the father was, out of fear and shame, she falsely accused the Zen master.

The parents were furious and confronted the master, berating him for his supposed crime. All he said was, “Is that so?” Despite his innocence, his reputation was ruined, and the townspeople shunned him.

When the baby was born, the young woman’s parents brought the child to the Zen master and demanded that he take responsibility and raise the child. Without protest, the master accepted the child, saying only, “Is that so?”

He lovingly cared for the baby for several years until the young woman could no longer bear the guilt. She confessed that the real father was a young man from the village. The parents rushed to the Zen master, apologized profusely, and begged to take the child back. The Zen master simply handed the baby over and, once again, said, “Is that so?”

The story is a profound teaching on acceptance and detachment. The Zen master did not resist the changing circumstances or let them disturb his peace. He accepted life as it unfolded, neither clinging to praise nor being destroyed by blame.

This story can be a reminder for us that true freedom does not come from controlling external events but from choosing how we respond to them. Acceptance, much like the master’s response, allows us to remain centered no matter what life throws our way.

Eckhart encourages us to “Ask yourself what is my relationship with the present moment?”

 

He says,“The ego asks how can I make this situation fulfill my needs? Or how can I get to some other situation that will fulfill my needs?”

 

He says the way to dissolve the ego is with presence.  “Presence is a state of inner spaciousness. When you are present you ask…how can I respond to the needs of this situation?”

So your homework for this week, friends, is to practice radical acceptance. When you find yourself in a negative state—whether your kids are refusing to listen, the house is a disaster, or your toddler is having a full-blown meltdown in the middle of the grocery store—pause. Just stop for a moment and get present. Feel your body. Notice the tension without judgment. Say to yourself, This is what it is right now. It’s not supposed to be any different than it is.

Then ask yourself, How can I respond to the needs of this situation? Take a deep breath and stay in the moment without wishing it away—that’s resistance. Instead, say yes to it, and you’ll notice the tension start to fade. Keep practicing this. The more aware you become, the less power your ego holds, leading to a calmer, more peaceful life.

Alright, friends, that wraps up today’s show! I hope you’re walking away with something that will help you on your motherhood journey. If this episode resonated with you, I encourage you to read A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle—it’s truly been life-changing for me, and I believe it can be for you too.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on today’s episode! Share your takeaways on social and tag me @tanyavalentinecoaching. And if you found value here, would you do me a favor? Please leave The Mom-entum Podcast a rating and review. This really helps the show grow and reach more moms who need it.

Also, if you know someone who’s struggling on their motherhood journey, please share this episode with them. Sometimes it’s hard to give advice directly because people might feel judged or defensive. But sharing a book or a podcast can plant the seeds of positive change in a gentle, loving way.

Thank you, my dear, sweet friends, for listening. I appreciate you more than you know. Talk to you next week! Bye!