Click Play To Listen

Hello and welcome to episode 50 of the Mom-entum Podcast!  This is the very first big milestone we are celebrating here at the Mom-entum Podcast and i want to take a moment and thank all of you for your support and taking the time to come along for this wild ride and listening every week as I explore the daily struggles of motherhood and life as we kind of find camaraderie and solidarity in knowing we are not alone, and that we are all facing similar challenges.  And in that I hope you leave feeling like you are understood, that somebody gets you. Ya know what I mean? 

 

On this podcast, we aim to learn from each other's mistakes and wins, and it is here that we share actionable steps to overcome common obstacles with the goal of gaining the momentum to become the very best version of ourselves.  

 

And I want to highlight that this desire to be the very best version of us is not a selfish thing. No, in fact, it is quite the opposite.  Because when we become and/or work to become the very best version of ourselves and we see what we are capable of, that’s how we present ourselves in the world and that is our gift to our families and to the world.  

 

Like I’m so glad that Steve Jobs became the very best version of himself, because if not we wouldn’t have the iphone.  

 

And I’m so glad that my coach,teacher and mentor, Brooke Castillo, did the work on herself because in doing so, she has been able to create amazing life-changing content and share her knowledge and wisdom, and she has taught me along with thousands of other women AND men so many very valuable lessons that have been so transformational.  

 

I can tell you right now that I would not be sitting here talking to you on a podcast had it not been for life coaching.  

 

And just think of all of the privileges and the conveniences and luxuries we have been afforded all because of people who took the time to overcome their own fears and doubts and bring the world what was the very best of themselves.

 

And doing this work to improve ourselves, It's about the ripple effect that has on the world around us.  Like how does it affect your relationship and your interactions with your spouse and your children when you feel good about yourself?  How do you treat others when you feel good about yourself?  

 

And I think we have to be careful, too, when we are doing this self-improvement work that we don’t send this underlying message to ourselves that we are not good enough.  Because, I know for me, this is a belief that I have had about myself since I can remember.  It’s been like, look around, your not good enough, your not smart enough, your not pretty enough.  I don’t want you to get self improvement confused with that.  In fact, I think the point of self improvement is to dismantle those false beliefs that we have had about ourselves so that we can break free of them and then be able to show up as our best, most authentic selves.  

 

Because you are good enough, you are worthy already.  Just the mere fact that you were born, is a miracle.  The fact that that sperm and egg connected and the egg implanted successfully in your mothers womb, is a miracle and you are worthy to be here. You are meant to be here.  You matter. And theres nothing you can do that will make you any more or any less worthy.  So let’s just get that clear.  But I think the point of our lives is to grow and to evolve and learn the lessons that we came here to learn, to see what we are capable of, and to do our best to help our fellow human beings rise themselves up in the process and show them they are capable, too.  I think that is what self improvement is, is accessing our power and seeing what we are capable of.

 

  I’ve had this epiphany recently thinking about the Bible verse “love your neighbor as yourself”.  And it is my belief that so much of the conflict and the animosity that goes on in the world is a direct result of people’s own relationship with themself.  It is not selfish to want to work on yourself.  In fact, it is the least selfish thing you can do.  Because when we can learn to love ourselves, we will then treat others so much better.  

 

This is something that I am continuously working on everyday, and some days I’m going to be honest with you, its easier than others.  But I know, for instance, how I am with my kids when I am just hating on myself.  And I end up being a grumpy mom.  

 

And recently I have been thinking about how I want them to remember me when they are older, and I really don’t want them to be like Oh yeah growing up my mom was always so grumpy, she was always yelling at me to clean up after myself and she was always busy cleaning and never took the time to just relax and have fun and play. 

 

 But then think about the ripple effect of me setting an intention to work on myself so that I can actually be happy and at peace with myself.  Will it then bother me as much when there are toys all over the floor?  Probably not.  Will i then be more calm and loving in my interactions with my children? 100%.  And then how will they be with each other?  And by the way, I do want to point out here that we cannot control how another person (even our own children) behaves, however I do believe we absolutely have the power to influence others.  

 

But anyway, if my interactions with my child are more calm and loving because i am in this space of feeling love toward myself, they are that much more likely to exude that love and extend that love and kindness to others that they have interactions with, whether that be a sibling or a friend, whatever.  But this is the difference it can make when we take the time to work on ourselves and set an intention to learn to love ourselves.

 

So over the course of the past 49 episodes, I’ve enjoyed so much getting to learn from all of the amazing women and moms I’ve had come on this podcast, and it’s my hope that you have as well!  And if you by chance are new here and today is your first time listening then let me give you a big shout out and welcome! I am so happy you decided to tune in today.  

 

And if you are new, that’s perfect because I decided to take the opportunity of this being the podcast’s first milestone to kind of reintroduce myself.  

 

And if you have listened to the first episode, I encourage you to continue to listen today because I will be sharing things with you that I have never shared on this podcast before, as well as questions that I have been exploring recently as I’m kind of using this milestone as a marker to remind myself to stop and kind of reevaluate things. 

 

So buckle up, and make sure to stick around until the end because I will be sharing how you can enter to win a giveaway I am doing to celebrate this 50th episode milestone! 

 

So in case you are listening for the first time, my name is Tanya Valentine, I’m 38 years old.  I am married with 3 children Lucia, Rocco and Serena who are aged 6,4 and 2.  My family and I live in NWI, however I am originally from the Northshore area in Massachusetts.  I got my start as a hairstylist, actually, and then I met my husband, Chris, in Cancun on spring break back in 2007 and then when I moved to Indiana to be with him in 2009 I decided to change careers.  And the career path I chose was nursing.  So I did my schooling for that, got my degree in nursing and worked almost a decade as a nurse on a medical surgical floor.  Which was such an amazing and challenging experience.  I learned so much in my experience working as a nurse in the hospital setting that were important life lessons that I feel helped prepare me to be a mom and for the next chapter in my life, which i am in right now.  

 

And I just want to say that I never in a million years would have guessed that this is something I would be doing.  I was a very shy kid and today I am an introvert through and through.  I definitely get energy and recharge my battery in solitude and silence.  While at the same time, I really do enjoy surrounding myself with the people that I love and having company around. But being around large groups of people often I find my energy levels depleted. 

 

But I just never thought that I would have enough to say to have an entire show of me just speaking.  It’s kind of crazy, and look at me today 50 episodes in.  Who knew I had so much to talk about? I sure didn’t!

 

And the reason I decided to use the episode today to re-introduce myself is that I know I love hearing people's stories and with the people that I follow and listen to and look up to, I really enjoy learning more about them and getting to know them a little bit more intimately.  

 

So that is the purpose of today’s episode.  Today I will be pulling back the curtain on my life and opening up a bit more vulnerably, so that you can feel like you know me, this person you have been listening to week after week, a little better.  And if you have been listening to me for a while,  I want you to know, I consider us friends.  

 

Maybe we have never met, but you are my friend and you are my sister on this journey.  So allow me to share some of these intimate details of my life with you, I hope this will draw us closer, and my hope is that someday you will reciprocate and share your story with me! Maybe even on this very podcast! 

 

So anyway, how did I get here?  How did I go from being a nurse to a life coach and podcast host?  And the answer is, that it all began when I became a mom.

 

Becoming a mom has been the most transformational endeavor I have ever experienced.  And it’s hard to explain to someone who is not a mom.  And if you are not a mom, or not a mom yet, I don’t want to come across as insensitive.  And if you are by choice not a Mom I 100% respect you and honor that choice.  And if you are not a mom yet and you really want to be a mom, I just want to say have faith, never give up hope, and I believe that if there is a will there is always a way.  Anything is possible.

 

But anyway, becoming a mom has taught me so much about myself, it has caused me to reevaluate my life and my values.  I think it’s the transformational power of unconditional love.  My kids have taught me what is truly important, what really matters in life.  And they are my motivation every day to keep striving to be better.  Because I want to be better for them.  I want to provide a better life for them, and I want to be a conscious parent, I want to be a cycle breaker.  I want to nurture them and help them live to their full potential.

 

  And I don’t want to miss out on anything in their life.  With my kids being 6,4, and 2, I know they are still very young, but i also have been a mom long enough to witness how fast it goes by.  And it seems that the years are going by faster and faster.  And I’ve found myself wanting to just cling on to this time with them.  As challenging as it can be sometimes, I really do love being around them.  I love how little and sweet they are.  I love their cute little voices.  I love watching them interact with one another.  I love the funny things that they say.  I love how inquisitive they are.  I love that they find joy in the most simple things, like playing with a box.  I love their imaginations.  

 

And most of all, I love how much they love me! It feels so good to be loved and needed, and to feel useful.  And the love I feel for them feels so good.

 

 I don’t want this season of my life to ever end, but I know that someday it will. And it makes me want to soak up every precious moment with them.  But at the same time, I have moments when I absolutely need a break from them.  I saw this reel on Instagram a few weeks ago and I feel like it speaks so perfectly to how I feel. 

 

 So this girl, her name is Candice Bacon, she said, “my toxic trait is that i love my children so much, I dont want anyone to watch them, but I want a break, but I don’t want them to be without me, but I also want complete silence for 24 hours but I also want to be with them 24/7. I was like, GIRL, you are speaking my language!  And can anyone else relate to that?  I mean it is an everyday battle.

 

But anyway, this desire to be with my children during this phase of their lives was the first nudge I got to start thinking about a different path for my life.  Because, being a staff nurse at a hospital, I had to work nights and every other weekend, and every other holiday, and I just hated to miss out on this time with my kids.  And my kids were not school age yet, but thinking into the future I wasn’t sure how we were going to make that work, because with the hours I was working at the hospital, I wouldn’t have been able to be home to bring the kids to school or pick them up from school.  

 

And I didn’t want to miss any extra curricular activities, and what if they were sick and needed to be picked up from school?

 

  I realized that something had to change. Because i really dont have anyone here that i can rely on to help with my kids other than my mother and father in law, who both still work, and my mother in law, she helps when she can, but it would be nice to have a larger support network, just more people, more options of people I could turn to when we need help.

 

Which leads me into what has been a  big pain point for me, and that is living here in Indiana, and raising my kids away from my family and my close friends.  It really has been the source of so much heart ache for me.  

 

Ideally, I would be living close to family and friends.  And I would love to just pick up the phone and meet up with one of my girlfriends and their kids at the park.  

 

I would love to be able to have dinner with my mom or dad whenever I want to.  I would love to raise my kids alongside my brother and sister and law and my nephew.  I would love for my kids to be close to all the people that I love, and for my kids to get to know them and for my cousins, my friends, my brothers and sister and law for them to just be in my kids lives and know them and watch them grow up.  And I want to be there for my nephew, I want him to know me and I want to watch him grow.  

 

And I would love to be able to get together with my friends whenever I wanted to.  I know that we have the phone and facetime now.  But for me, nothing compares to that physical presence.  It’s just not the same.  

 

And in the summer of 2020, I was back in Massachusetts and I was visiting my Nanny who was under Hospice care and I remember saying our goodbye’s and hugging her for the last time knowing that this would be the last time we would embrace like this, and I remember saying to her, pleading with her that when you get to heaven can you please work your magic and help me move back home.  And we held eachother for a very long time and I can remember trying to take it all in.  And then when we finally let go she looked at me and said, maybe we’ll meet again.

And I feel like this is just a perfect example of how desperate I was to move from Indiana back home to Boston.

 

Now maybe some of you are saying or thinking why don’t I just move back home.  

 

Well, This has been an issue between Chris and I for a long time.  So Chris has been the breadwinner in our family, and he has a good, stable, safe job with excellent benefits and I’m so grateful for his job because it has allowed me the privilege to leave my job as a nurse and stay at home with our kids and pursue this other career and passion of mine.  But at the same time it keeps us stuck here.

 

So fast forward and it’s October 4th 2020 and we learned that my Nanny had passed away.  Chris was scheduled to have his vasectomy later that week and Rocco’s 1st birthday was October 9th (which just to happened to fall on the day they were having my Nanny’s memorial service).  So we made the choice to cancel Chris’ vasectomy and we flew back home for Nanny’s memorial service. Well, Chris never rescheduled the vasectomy.  Now February 14, 2021, just a few months later I find out I am pregnant.  And I was shocked, and a little scared.  Just because the past couple years had been stressful with covid, and nanny passing away and the kids being so little and so close in age (Lucia and Rocco are just 22 months apart).  

 

I can remember taking the pregnancy test at work, just shaking all over after reading clear as day on that stick “pregnant”.  Since it was Valentine’s Day and I hadn't got him a gift, I thought it would be fitting to put the pregnancy test in a gift bag and give it to Chris as his Valentines Day gift.  

 

So that’s what I did, I stopped at the store on my way home from work and bought a gift bag and I put the pregnancy test inside.  And when I got home I gave it to him.  And with sweat dripping down his forehead, he stared at the words on that stick. 

 

He was not happy about the news of the pregnancy.  Now he is a good guy, he is a devoted husband and father, and he loves his kids, he will do anything for his family.  But this was a stressful time in our lives and at that moment, I did not get the reaction from him I was hoping for.  I was scared and uncertain and I wanted him to be supportive and excited and I wanted him to say this was great news and sure it will be challenging but we’ll figure it out!  But that wasn’t the reaction I got and I was devastated.  

 

I can remember going to bed that night and crying myself to sleep and saying a heartfelt prayer to God, just surrendering it all to Him.  I didn’t know what to pray for.  It was one of those things, I was struggling with the idea of having another baby, and I was having a hard enough time keeping it together with 2 kids who were 1 and 3 at the time.  And I didn’t like that Chris wasn’t on board with the pregnancy.  I wanted him to say it’ll be alright, we can handle it, we will figure it out.  Plus, having a baby should be such a happy thing, it’s a miracle, and there are people out there who have been waiting for years to have a baby.  It shouldn’t be this way.  So i just surrendered, I said a prayer of surrender.

 

So weeks went by and when I went to my 12 week ultrasound I was told that the baby did not have a heartbeat. This was devastating especially because I was by myself when I received the news.  It had been enough time that both Chris and I had come around to the idea and we were actually excited to have another baby!

 

Options were presented to me to either have a D&C, take a pill, or just allow the pregnancy to pass naturally.

 

 I made the decision to allow things to happen naturally. And then 2 weeks later I hemorrhaged and ended up in the hospital in need of 2 blood transfusions and ultimately had the D&C anyway.  

 

And the day that this all happened, it is really hard to sum it all up in a couple of sentences like this.  Just because it truly was such a pivotal moment for me.  Like I can’t even stress enough the fear I was going through, the very real fear of dying.  The ambulance had to come twice for me.  They brought me in the first time, I was treated in the ER then sent home.  But when I got home, I couldn’t even make it inside my house.  I literally got out of my mother in law’s car and was walking towards my husband in the garage when I passed out and Chris and my mother in law called the ambulance to come again.

 

 I remember seeing the same 2 paramedics who had brought me in the first time and the one said to the other “I can’t believe they sent her home”. 

 

And i remember hearing that and asking them, “am I going to be ok?” because i was so scared that I wasn’t going to be ok.  And I was not ready to leave my kids.  I could not bear to leave them without a mom.

 

So thank God, I survived, and I am here today to speak of it.  And i can say that when I recovered from this experience, I was filled with so much gratitude.  I was so grateful to get another chance at life.  It really made me shift my mindset and those “I have to’s” turned into “I get to’s”.  Even going to work, I remember thinking wow I get to go to work today.  

 

And I want to share a quick story with you that is so cool and if you are a spiritual person, you’ll really appreciate this.  

 

So after the miscarriage, I took a week off of work.  And when i returned to work for the first time after this short break, I had parked my car in the parking lot of the hospital and as I was gathering my things I realized that I had left my badge at home.  I was kind of panicked because I knew that without my badge, the security guard at the entrance was going to give me a hard time and I didn’t know what would happen if he would make me drive all the way home to get it or what (by the way I lived 50 minutes away from the hospital, so not an easy drive especially when you think about the time it would have taken me to drive there and back, I would have for sure been late for work) so I said a prayer.  I said” Dear God, please fill the security guard today with empathy and compassion so he will let me off the hook today.”  

 

So then I took a deep breath, swung my stethoscope around my neck, put my mask on and walked towards the entrance.  And to my surprise, the security guard was not there.  This had never happened before, there was always a security guard sitting at the entrance.  I felt overcome with gratitude.  I couldn’t believe it.  

 

Next, I walked to the bathroom and as I was sitting in the stall I had this thought that I forgot to bring a pen.  And if you're listening to this and you're not a nurse, having a pen is crucial to the job.  Because you need it to take notes and report on your patients, writing down orders from Doctors.  

 

And not that I couldn’t find a pen or borrow one from someone, but then I would have to go on a hunt looking for one and it would just be an inconvenience.  So just as I had that thought and reached down to pull my pants up, I looked down and there on the floor was a pen.  Now normally I am such a germophobe and would not have picked up a pen from the bathroom floor, but I just thought wow this is a gift and sign from God that everything is going to be ok, that it will all work out, and trust in God that your needs will always be met.  So i picked up that pen and made sure I cleaned it real good with a clorox wipe.  

 

But it totally changed my attitude for the day and to this day I do believe that those 2 things happening, the fact the security guard wasn't at the entrance, and the pen that seemed to appear out of thin air just as I had had the thought that aw man I forgot my pen, I believe those occurrences were signs from God.

 

Although I had embraced a new “I get to” attitude toward work, I felt an urge to do something different—something that offered more flexibility so I could be at home with my kids, be there when they needed me, and not miss out on anything with them. I spent time in prayer, asking for guidance on what direction to take.

 

As time went on, I sought therapy and discovered life coaching. I fell in love with it so much that I decided to become a life coach. It felt like the answer to my prayers—a career I could do from home, with hours I could set myself, allowing me to be fully present for my kids.

 

So, I registered for coach certification, and the day before classes began, I found out I was pregnant again. It was both scary and exciting, but I continued with the program, working at the hospital while preparing for life with baby number three. Later that year, I earned my certification from The Life Coach School, and that summer, we welcomed our beautiful, healthy baby girl, Serena, who has been such a blessing and truly completed our family.

 

Life coaching has taught me so much. It’s brought me to a place of acceptance, where I’m no longer wasting energy feeling sorry for myself or wishing things were different. Instead, I can be present and truly enjoy my life and my family.

 

The power of life coaching lies in the realization that, no matter what happens or has happened, you have the power to change things. It’s all about how you choose to think about your circumstances. When I go through tough times and start feeling doubt or self-pity, I don’t spiral anymore because I recognize it’s just my thinking. I know that this is just a wave of emotion I’m riding, and it will pass—whether it takes a minute, an hour, a day, or a week, it won’t last forever.

 

Dr. Aliza mentioned an exercise on Jay Shetty’s podcast that resonated with me: taking five minutes to think about what you want your children to say about you to their grandchildren. She also talked about creating a mission statement with maybe three values you want to raise your kids by, like kindness, empathy, and compassion. Then, ask your children what mission statement they think you want them to live by. If they say things like success, persistence, and money, it might be a sign that you’re misaligned with what you truly value. It’s not necessarily bad, but it could be a prompt to reassess what’s most important to you and whether you’re living that out and communicating it to them.

 

Right now, I’m navigating where I should be placing my attention and focus, and it always comes back to my kids.

 

Here are three lessons I want you to take away from today’s episode:

 

1. You don’t need support from others to pursue a dream or goal. While it’s lovely to have, it’s not necessary. You can absolutely do this for yourself—go within, pray, seek support from therapists, coaches, or free support groups online or in your community.

2. Trust in divine timing.

3. When you waste time wishing things were different, you miss out on what’s right in front of you.

 

So, that’s a glimpse into my journey—how I went from being a nurse to a life coach and podcast host. It’s been a wild and unexpected ride, full of challenges and growth. But through it all, motherhood has been the most transformational experience of my life. It’s taught me what truly matters, and it’s motivated me to keep striving to be better—not just for myself, but for my children and the people I love.

 

And while I wouldn’t trade this journey for anything, I’m the first to admit that it hasn’t always been easy. There have been moments when I’ve questioned everything, when I’ve felt overwhelmed and uncertain. But through it all, I’ve learned that growth comes from pushing through the hard times, from facing our fears, and from embracing the lessons that life throws our way.

 

As I look back on these 50 episodes, I’m filled with gratitude for all of you who have been on this journey with me. Whether you’ve been here since the beginning or you’re just tuning in for the first time, I want you to know how much your support means to me. I hope that by sharing my story and the stories of the amazing women who have joined me on this podcast, I’ve been able to inspire and uplift you in some way.

 

And as we celebrate this milestone, I want to remind you of the importance of self-love and self-improvement. Remember, the work we do on ourselves is not just for us—it’s for everyone around us. When we love ourselves and work to become the best version of ourselves, we create a ripple effect that touches the lives of everyone we encounter.

 

So, thank you for being here, for listening, and for being a part of this incredible journey. I can’t wait to see where the next 50 episodes take us. 

 

Now, as a special thank you for helping me reach this milestone, I’m doing a giveaway!  One lucky listener will win a $50 Amazon gift card when you leave this podcast a review.  Here’s how to enter.  Leave a review of this podcast from wherever you are listening, take a screen shot of your review, then send me the screen shot on IG or FB @tanyavalentinecoaching.  I will be taking submissions through Wednesday September 18 and you will receive a DM from me if you are the lucky winner by Thursday September 19.

 

Until next time, take care of yourself, keep striving to be the best version of you, and remember—you are worthy, you are enough, and you are loved.