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Hello and welcome to another episode of The Mom-Entum Podcast, the show dedicated to inspiring, uplifting and empowering women on their journey through motherhood.  I’m your host, Tanya Valentine, and I am so happy you are here.  

 

How many of you have ever taken your kids to the store and witnessed and had to endure a full on meltdown when you refuse to buy something they want?  This can be especially tricky when you’re waiting in line and they have items like candy and balloons strategically placed by the cash register.  I personally would like to campaign against having these impulse items there while you’re waiting in line, as it has been the catalyst of many meltdowns with my kiddos, but unfortunately I don’t think they are going anywhere.  

 

So then what are we left to do?  Control what we can control, right?  So to me that’s preparing myself and my kids for this ahead of time.  So mentally preparing myself by deciding ahead of time how I’m going to handle a meltdown in case one should occur.  But also, telling my kids ahead of time, you know when we are in line waiting to pay for these things, there are going to be shelves filled with candy and snacks right there, and I’m just letting you know now that we are not buying any of these things, and I’m just letting you know now so that later you are not disappointed if you see something you want and I say no.  

 

Or maybe even making sure that their tummies are full before going to the grocery store.  Because even as adults, we know what it is like going grocery shopping when we are hungry, it’s never a good idea!  And if it’s hard for us as adults who have somewhat of a sense of self control and discipline, imagine how challenging it might be for a child.  

 

And please know that these shopping meltdowns are something that I have struggled with and I am not perfect at dealing with.  But it’s definitely something that I’ve had some experience with and have learned from.  Personally, I don’t like to take my kids shopping with me and I try to avoid it at all costs.  But sometimes it’s just unavoidable.  There are going to be times that your kids are going to have to accompany you to the store.  And you can actually look at it as a learning opportunity.

 

I often wonder, in these times we are living in, where we have access to so much instant gratification, with Amazon and the online market where we easily get the things we want with just a click of a button, is it harder to say no to our kids?  Is it more difficult to teach our kids the value of money?  I grew up in an era where I remember my friends and I scrambling for nickels, quarters and dimes so that we could use a pay phone to call our parents from the library or mall.  I wonder what is going through the minds of our children when they tell us they want something and the next day its delivered in a box by the front door.  Or when we go to the store and they see us pay for a cart full of groceries by simply sliding a card through a machine.  They must think it’s magic and that the world is plenty and anything they want, they can have so easily.  So it’s no wonder that when we say no, they flip out.  

 

One, it’s like, ya it sucks when you want something and you can’t have it, we can all agree with that right?  And 2, my theory is they must be so confused.  Like Mom I don’t understand why you are saying no.  There is this thing that I want.  And I believe if I get it, it will make me happy.  And don’t you want me to be happy?  Don’t you love me?  If you loved me you would want me to be happy.  So since you are not letting me have this thing I am 1. Pissed because you won’t let me have it, 2, I am making it mean that you don’t love me because you won’t let me have it, and 3 this is a control thing and it ends up being a fight for who in this relationship has the control and say so.

 

This is definitely something that I have struggled with.  I think we can all agree that we want the best for our children and we want to provide a better life for them than what we had.  But at the same time we don’t want to raise children who grow up to be entitled, lazy adults.  

 

And yes I would love to buy anything that my child wants or needs, I want them to be happy, but I also know that this isn’t good for them, for so many reasons.  It's not teaching them the important skills they need to succeed in life.  It’s not teaching them the significant value of delayed gratification. 

 

Delayed gratification by definition is the ability to resist the temptation of an immediate reward in preference for a later, often greater, reward. This concept is significant in so many aspects of life.

 

Practicing delayed gratification strengthens our self-discipline and self-control, which helps us make better long-term decisions rather than giving in to short-term impulses.

 

Delaying gratification can lead to better financial habits, like saving money instead of spending it impulsively. Which can result in more substantial financial security and the ability to invest in future goals.

 

Studies have shown that people who practice delayed gratification tend to achieve higher academic and career success. This is because they are more likely to invest time and effort into their education and professional development rather than seeking immediate rewards.  Think about it, immediate rewards often lead to long term negative consequences.  For example, the immediate reward of eating lots of sweets can lead to weight gain and other unhealthy consequences.  The immediate reward of having too much to drink can result in a hangover.  The immediate reward of buying something that is not in your budget can result in financial debt.

 

Delayed gratification is associated with making healthier lifestyle choices, like maintaining a balanced diet, exercising regularly, and avoiding harmful habits. And these choices contribute to long-term physical and mental health.

 

The ability to delay gratification builds emotional resilience, as we learn to cope with discomfort and delay satisfaction for a greater future benefit, which can lead to better stress management and emotional stability.

 

And although it may seem counterintuitive, delaying gratification can lead to greater overall happiness and life satisfaction. The pursuit and achievement of long-term goals often brings a deeper sense of fulfillment than immediate pleasures.

 

So have I sold you on the value of delayed gratification?  I hope so!  Because I firmly believe that it is the key to living the life of our dreams.

 

So I was thinking, what better way to teach my kids about delayed gratification than with money.  So I decided recently that I wanted to start teaching my kids about the value of money and what it’s like to want something and have to work and save in order to get it.  And then how much you appreciate that thing once you have it, and you treat it with so much more respect because you know the amount of work it took to get.  Plus I want them to experience that beautiful sense of satisfaction one gets when they set a goal and then put in the work to achieve it.

 

• So in our home we recently instituted this system that is working quite well so far.  And it serves double duty as both a lesson in money but also it is helping to instill the habits  in them that help keep our home tidy and running smoothly.

 

• So what I did was explain to my kids that if there is something that they want, other than birthday or Christmas gifts, from now on they are going to have to pay for it themselves.  And they will earn that money with an allowance.  Now I know there is some controversy over whether you should or shouldn’t give your kids an allowance.  Some argue you should teach your children family contribution instead, that each individual in the family has roles and responsibilities that help the household to run smoothly.  And they argue that giving an allowance in exchange for basic chores can create a sense of entitlement.  I don’t know about this, but I’ve tried the charts where you give stars as a reward for kids performing different tasks and routines, and I always praise them if they help out around the house and when they listen and do what I ask them to do, but this hasn’t resulted in consistent results, meaning it hasn’t been incentive enough to motivate my kids to clean up after themselves consistently.  

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• And at the end of the day, I am trying to teach my kids about money and how to create value in exchange for it.  And Im trying to teach them that these things they think they want cost money, which then I’m hoping will cause them to put more thought into “do I really want this thing?  Is it really worth all of the time and effort I’m going to have to put into saving for it?  Or would I rather keep saving for something else?’

• So anyways, what I did was I went on Canva and for each of them I created their very own personalized chore chart.  And to help them get excited about this I had them help design the chart.  They picked out the colors and images they wanted.  For example, Lucia chose to have pictures of a kitten, the disney princess, Aurora, and Bingo from Bluey on hers and Rocco chose to have pictures of dinosaurs and Bluey on his.  Now I didn’t make one for Serena, yet, because she is only 2, and I think is still a little too young for this.

• But anyways, then I picked out 3 chores or responsibilities that I felt would really make a difference in our home.  And for us those things are: putting their toys away, taking their things out of the car after we have returned home from somewhere(for example sippy cups, snacks, wrappers, shoes, backpacks, etc.), and putting their shoes away.  I only chose 3 tasks to focus on because I didn’t want to overwhelm them and I thought that focusing on just 3 items would be just enough to help them be successful with this.

• I put a lot of thought into what were the 3 pain points I wanted to focus on that I thought would make the most impact.  So I thought of the 3 things that were the most frustrating and for us it was the toys all over the floor, when we got home from somewhere and the kids rushing out of the car leaving us to have to make multiple trips with arms filled with stuff to empty out the car, and then lastly the shoes carelessly strewn across the garage. Which side note, if you don’t know this about me, we are a shoe free home, meaning I do not allow kids or anyone to wear shoes in our home for so many reasons which maybe I will talk about in a different episode. But anyway, what typically happens is then whenever we get home from somewhere they quickly kick their shoes off and then race inside the house. And then we are then tripping over their shoes as we are makihng our way from the car to inside the house with the armloads of things from emptying the car.  So you can see this is why this was an important pain point for me to tackle with my kids.

 

So my suggestion to you if you want to do this is to start by brainstorming what are 3 things that you would really love to work on with your kids, or the habits you want to instill in them.  Think about what would be important to you right now.  Take away all external influences.  Like don’t look at your friend and think oh her kids set the table, I should teach my kids to do that.  No.  Just take a minute to sit down and brainstorm what is important to you and your family, and what are the few things if you could get your children to help out with, that would make a difference in the environment of your home. 

 

 For example for me, teaching my kids to fold and put away laundry is not a priority for me right now.  And I know that at this point in our lives and with the ages that they are, I do not want to invest the time or cause us any added frustration by trying to teach them to fold laundry.  So this is not going to be something I focus on right now, despite what other people might say I “should” do.  So to help narrow down 1-3 things for your kids to focus on I suggest you take the time to think about what are your 3 biggest pain points?  What causes you the most frustration?  And if you had help with this one thing, what would have the most impact on improving the environment in the home?

 

Ok so we have the chore chart, I personalized the charts for each kid with their help.  We picked out 3 responsibilities to be their “chores”.  Now each of these chores is represented by an image in the very 1st column of this chart.  By the way I will have a picture of these chore charts for you to see in the show notes if you would like to get a visual of this.  Then there are boxes next to each chore for each day of the week.  And as long as they do their chore that day they get to give themselves a checkmark.  And at the end of the week, as long as their chart is filled with checkmarks they get an allowance of $10.  Then we labeled 3 mason jars for each of them.  One jar is for spending, one is for saving, and the other is for donating.  And 10% goes to donations, 40% to savings, and 50% to spending.  So if their allowance is $10 that week that means $1 goes in the donate jar, $4 goes in the save jar, and $5 goes in the spend jar. And they know that if there is a toy or something they want to buy, they can use the money from their spend jar for that.  As for the save jar, that is money that they don’t touch, we are just going to keep adding to that and watch it grow and eventually we will add that money to their bank savings account so that it earns some interest.  And then, lastly, the kids decided they want to use the money from their donate jar to help rescue animals. So come December we will use all of the money they have saved up in their donations jar to give to the ASPCA.  So as you can see this little system we are doing has so many benefits including teaching them the importance of giving and how good it feels to help and serve others in need.  Lucia even said this weekend that she wanted to put $2 in her donation jar, which made me so proud of her.

 

So you might ask what do you do when your kid refuses to do his or her chores.  Well we were faced with this once last week when Lucia didn’t want to help clean up the toy room.  And she was warned that the consequence of this was that she would get a dollar taken away from her allowance for this week, meaning she would only get $9 instead of $10.  And then we followed through with this.  So come Sunday, her brother got $10 and she only got $9, and she wasn’t happy about this.  But I just had to remind her that that was because of her choice not to participate in the toy clean up Friday night.  So that is helping to motivate her to cooperate because she doesn’t want her brother to earn more than her.

• So this is something that has been working really well for us so far in getting the kids to help out, eliminating and minimizing some of the mess and stress, while also teaching them about the value of money and the invaluable lesson of delayed gratification.  If you are looking to try something new with your kids to motivate them to help or if you're interested in teaching them about money, try this out and see if it works for you!  Make sure you check out the show notes at tanyavalentinecoaching.com/44 for free resources and pictures of the chore charts that I mentioned today.

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• I would love to hear your takeaways from today’s show.  And please, I would love to hear how do you teach your kids about money?  Do you give them an allowance?  And how do you get your kids to help out around the house?  What is working for you?  Please share what is working for you and your family, I’d love to learn from you!  So send me a DM or share your tips and tricks on FB and IG and tag me at tanyavalentinecoaching.  And if you found value in todays show, make sure you subscribe so you never miss an episode!  And if I could ask a favor, would you mind leaving a rating or review?  By hitting the subscribe button, or leaving a rating or review, this helps other people find this show, which allows me to help as many people as I can and continue to create content aimed at supporting overwhelmed Mamas from all over who could really use the mood boost, you know how emotionally and energetically taxing motherhood can be!  Alright friends, that’s it for todays show!  I hope you have an amazing week and I’ll talk to you next Wednesday! Bye!