Click Play To Listen

Tanya: Alright, alright! Welcome to the show, Erin. Thank you so much for being here.

6
00:00:45.730 --> 00:00:48.230
Erin Roberts: Yeah, thank you so much for having me, Tony. It's an honor.

7
00:00:48.490 --> 00:01:08.810
Tanya: Oh, my God! Well, it's my pleasure to have you on the momentum. Podcast. And I'm so grateful for the opportunity for myself and for our listeners to get to learn from you today? So to start, can you introduce yourself to the audience by sharing your story and what it is that you do.

8
00:01:09.350 --> 00:01:36.489
Erin Roberts: Yeah. So thanks for having me. My name is Erin Roberts, and I am the creator of the vocally empowered method, which is a program that helps women step into their greatest power, their biggest, fullest, wildest selves, by learning how to use their voice, learning how to use their voice to communicate who they are, what their needs are, and get get real results in their life.

9
00:01:37.090 --> 00:01:44.270
Erin Roberts: And I created this method about a year ago, kind of as a culmination of

10
00:01:44.330 --> 00:02:05.979
Erin Roberts: a couple of decades of working in vocal education. I've been a voice coach. I've been an acting coach. I've been a a teacher in many capacities, public schools, community organizations, working behind the scenes in higher education and bringing all that experience together,

11
00:02:06.440 --> 00:02:30.570
Erin Roberts: and kind of realizing that the voice really is. It's fun to use for singing, and it's fun to use for public speaking, but it's more than fun. It is a power source and going through my own transformation with that becoming a mom, really stepping into some of my own power, I started realizing that the voice is is such an important tool.

12
00:02:31.410 --> 00:02:59.910
Erin Roberts: and it's a tool for helping us manifest our desires. It's a tool for helping us. Create the life that we love. And it's really the part of our body that brings ideas out of our mind and heart and brings them out into reality. It helps us to to manifest what we are trying to create. And so that's really where the idea for vocally empower was born from.

13
00:03:00.080 --> 00:03:01.105
Erin Roberts: And

14
00:03:02.220 --> 00:03:29.670
Erin Roberts: it's been just a joy working, working with clients and watching them transform, watching them, you know, go from passive reactive communicators. Feeling like their message just isn't landing. Their message just isn't getting heard. Maybe. You know, something I see really commonly is keeping ideas in keeping ideas to themselves and watching those women transform into powerful, clear, precise

15
00:03:29.670 --> 00:03:54.170
Erin Roberts: communicators, who are able to say out loud what they want, and get those results, and advocate for themselves. And as mother is also advocating for our children, which is something we can talk a little bit about. But yeah, in a nutshell, that's what I do. I love this work I've been. I've been doing it a long time, and vocally empowered is kind of the most recent version of

16
00:03:54.330 --> 00:03:57.790
Erin Roberts: of me, using the voice as that power tool.

17
00:03:58.810 --> 00:04:00.339
Tanya: I love it.

18
00:04:00.550 --> 00:04:01.390
Tanya: And

19
00:04:01.690 --> 00:04:04.649
Tanya: I wanna just let you know. And

20
00:04:04.940 --> 00:04:12.739
Tanya: I'm sure you already know this but maybe just a reminder that you have a very confident, clear, speaking voice.

21
00:04:13.280 --> 00:04:13.730
Erin Roberts: Oh, thank you!

22
00:04:13.730 --> 00:04:18.290
Tanya: That you're a vocal coach. You're in the right career path.

23
00:04:18.709 --> 00:04:19.719
Erin Roberts: Thank you. Thank you.

24
00:04:19.720 --> 00:04:33.830
Tanya: Yeah. So I just feel like you're the best walking advertisement for yourself. But I'm curious. Were you always this way? And if not, how did you get to where you are now?

25
00:04:34.820 --> 00:04:43.049
Erin Roberts: Yeah, great question. Thank you for that compliment. I love to hear that, because no, I have not always spoken

26
00:04:43.050 --> 00:05:12.569
Erin Roberts: with such confidence. No, I have not always felt so sure of myself when speaking up. And no, I have not always felt so sure of myself. Really, in any capacity. You know the voice is a reflection of what's going on in our inner selves. And I've I've been on a very long journey to to create that confidence for myself, so I'd I'd love to share a little bit about that. No, I I grew up as a really shy kid, just kind of a naturally very sensitive

27
00:05:13.061 --> 00:05:29.118
Erin Roberts: very sensitive kid with a lot going on in my inner world. And you know, a lot of big emotions and you know, kind of fear around boundaries with other people. I was always one of those

28
00:05:29.520 --> 00:05:55.250
Erin Roberts: cautious kids who I had a couple of friends. But I didn't make friends easily. I wasn't that like extroverted kid that was running around with a million friends. I struggled. Yeah, I struggled to connect, and I think through my journey as a musician. Really, I've I've been a musician my whole life. I was a piano player, and then I transitioned into to learning about the voice when I was a teenager.

29
00:05:55.260 --> 00:05:59.180
Erin Roberts: And then eventually, that's what I ended up getting my bachelors in. But

30
00:05:59.560 --> 00:06:05.879
Erin Roberts: through that journey of musicianship, I think, is where I first started exploring with

31
00:06:06.210 --> 00:06:12.359
Erin Roberts: this need to kind of present myself out. You know. A big part of musicianship is.

32
00:06:12.400 --> 00:06:35.280
Erin Roberts: There's always a end of the year recital. There's always like a you know, there's public performance is a big part of that and that was just excruciatingly difficult for me. I had horrible panic attacks. Horrible performance, anxiety as a really skilled musician. But when it came time to to do that in front of other people. I really struggled

33
00:06:36.940 --> 00:06:48.989
Erin Roberts: on the more you know. Personal side of my story. No, I I wasn't. I wasn't a confident, a confident kid, a confident teenager. When.

34
00:06:49.020 --> 00:07:13.560
Erin Roberts: soon after I graduated college and I I moved out here to San Diego, which is where I I've lived ever since. I got into a relationship. I was I was married previously to my my current husband, and I was I was really insecure during that time in my life my early twenties. I was not able to speak up my needs in that relationship. I was not able to

35
00:07:14.093 --> 00:07:25.286
Erin Roberts: communicate clearly. You know what I wanted or I was kind of. Let's go with the flow is is that was sort of my mantra, for how I was managing.

36
00:07:25.660 --> 00:07:44.380
Erin Roberts: managing myself through the world, you know, just trying to be easy going, and you know, don't rock the boat, you know. If I had a an opinion that was maybe disagreeable, or an unpopular opinion like, oh, let's not. Let's not share that. Let's not rock the boat.

37
00:07:45.820 --> 00:07:49.990
Erin Roberts: I wanted to be liked. I wanted to be liked so much

38
00:07:50.000 --> 00:08:11.806
Erin Roberts: that I was willing to sacrifice my own opinions and my own needs in order to seek that approval from external sources from other people. Because I thought, that's where confidence came from. I thought that if other people liked me and other people approved of me, that would make me feel confident.

39
00:08:12.744 --> 00:08:22.815
Erin Roberts: And unfortunately I learned, you know, kind of the hard way that that's not really how confidence works. Confidence needs to start from within, and then it exudes out to others.

40
00:08:23.200 --> 00:08:29.559
Erin Roberts: but yeah, fast forward. A few years into my later twenties I was really hitting an an emotional rock bottom.

41
00:08:30.238 --> 00:08:43.131
Erin Roberts: I was it was the, you know, the end of of that relationship that I was in kind of unraveled. Eventually I was newly divorced. I was in a job that I absolutely hated.

42
00:08:43.885 --> 00:09:01.999
Erin Roberts: I was bankrupt. As a as a result of of my divorce process I was financially struggling and couch surfing, and I was drinking a lot because I was so unhappy and I had so many big feelings. So I was in a really tough place.

43
00:09:02.570 --> 00:09:06.429
Erin Roberts: and I started realizing that

44
00:09:06.730 --> 00:09:28.260
Erin Roberts: you know I was taking responsibility for how did I get there? You know, I really, I saw myself as a dynamic woman. Someone with a lot to offer, you know, smart and engaging and interesting. And I was like, how did how did I get to this place, this low place where it felt like my life was just falling apart.

45
00:09:28.460 --> 00:09:33.489
Erin Roberts: and I realized that I had created that place

46
00:09:33.730 --> 00:09:36.590
Erin Roberts: because I wasn't being authentic.

47
00:09:36.720 --> 00:09:46.459
Erin Roberts: I was not speaking up who I really was. I was not speaking out my real ideas. I was not asking for what I really needed.

48
00:09:47.408 --> 00:09:51.159
Erin Roberts: And that's what has had resulted in me

49
00:09:51.370 --> 00:10:19.769
Erin Roberts: being in the wrong relationships, having the wrong career moves, spending time with the wrong friends and being really unfulfilled inside. And then that agitation. You know that that lack of fulfillment inside is really what created me. You know, starting to need to take Xanax for anxiety and starting to drink a lot on the weekends, and really just kind of numb that feeling of agitation

50
00:10:19.920 --> 00:10:22.860
Erin Roberts: because I wasn't wasn't being myself

51
00:10:23.941 --> 00:10:28.449
Erin Roberts: so that I think that turning point is really

52
00:10:28.630 --> 00:10:41.450
Erin Roberts: where I started to realize that if I wanted to feel confident, if I wanted to feel good about myself, I was gonna have to create it myself. I wasn't going to be able to get it from other people.

53
00:10:42.690 --> 00:10:51.850
Erin Roberts: so it really, you know, like, like a lot of people's stories. It it took a full breakdown for me to be ready to change.

54
00:10:51.920 --> 00:11:03.488
Erin Roberts: you know, for me to be ready to look at myself and examine myself and say, Hey, like we can't stay here. We can't stay in this bad place. Something's gotta change

55
00:11:04.080 --> 00:11:05.370
Erin Roberts: So

56
00:11:06.110 --> 00:11:14.930
Erin Roberts: through that process I was able to to look at, you know. Hey? If I have an unpopular opinion.

57
00:11:15.650 --> 00:11:18.759
Erin Roberts: is it going to be worse for me

58
00:11:18.870 --> 00:11:23.880
Erin Roberts: to keep that opinion to myself and let this inner agitation grow.

59
00:11:24.330 --> 00:11:43.550
Erin Roberts: or would I rather try something new? And let's speak that unpopular opinion out. Let's speak it out and see what happens, cause I don't really have anything else to lose. At this point I was so unhappy right kind of getting to that that place of not having anything to lose, and being ready to try some new things with my communication.

60
00:11:45.425 --> 00:11:46.490
Erin Roberts: So

61
00:11:46.720 --> 00:11:56.100
Erin Roberts: I started. I started doing that, you know. I started being a little bit more assertive with you know, sharing my thoughts in work meetings

62
00:11:56.300 --> 00:12:07.070
Erin Roberts: and telling my family, my my parents, my siblings, you know, in my relationships, telling them what I really thought, and asking for the things that I really needed.

63
00:12:07.100 --> 00:12:14.329
Erin Roberts: and learning how to say no, and learning how to face. You know, confrontation in a way that

64
00:12:14.760 --> 00:12:19.501
Erin Roberts: you know conflict is not bad. It's just how you deal with it right?

65
00:12:20.240 --> 00:12:48.930
Erin Roberts: And through that process is really where I learned the principles that I teach. Now in my vocally empowered mastermind. I tried them on myself. First. I I learned through trial and error. I made a made a lot of mistakes, but I learned those principles, and for me this was my pathway out of that dark emotional place. I ended up meeting my second husband, my my now husband, who's an amazing person, who I?

66
00:12:48.930 --> 00:12:52.920
Erin Roberts: From the beginning, you know, we created an authentic relationship because

67
00:12:52.930 --> 00:12:54.790
Erin Roberts: I was ready to

68
00:12:54.810 --> 00:13:06.130
Erin Roberts: speak who I was when I met him, and so he's always known me for exactly who I am, and he liked. He liked me for who I was. So that connection was built on authenticity.

69
00:13:06.500 --> 00:13:12.260
Erin Roberts: Versus kind of how my first marriage was built on basically a fake version of myself.

70
00:13:12.260 --> 00:13:12.660
Tanya: Yeah.

71
00:13:13.760 --> 00:13:19.169
Erin Roberts: yeah. So you long, long answer to a short question. But.

72
00:13:19.170 --> 00:13:30.088
Tanya: No, I love, I love it. I love hearing the story, and I there's so there were so many. I'm like writing about all these, else there were so many little lessons in there.

73
00:13:31.000 --> 00:13:32.280
Tanya: yeah, like

74
00:13:32.990 --> 00:13:34.200
Tanya: when you

75
00:13:34.770 --> 00:13:41.089
Tanya: so I was just thinking about your. The name of your company is aligned voice right.

76
00:13:41.450 --> 00:13:41.820
Erin Roberts: Great.

77
00:13:41.820 --> 00:13:48.389
Tanya: So. Yeah. And I was just thinking, like you were at that time when you were

78
00:13:48.894 --> 00:14:05.449
Tanya: at your what you would call like your rock bottom like you were just so misaligned. It sounds like from the person that you really are deep down, and this mask that you were wearing essentially.

79
00:14:05.540 --> 00:14:13.370
Tanya: And now it's just how beautiful, how you've evolved to like. I mean, that is your company like you're aligned now, and

80
00:14:13.550 --> 00:14:29.099
Tanya: you have this, have your own business, and you're teaching what you learned to others, and you have a beautiful relationship with your husband and a son. And now another a baby girl on the way. I think it's just.

81
00:14:29.100 --> 00:14:29.640
Erin Roberts: Yeah.

82
00:14:29.640 --> 00:14:46.879
Tanya: Wonderful. And I heard something else. I was talk. We were talking before we recorded this podcast about a, podcast. That I was listening to with in he it's called Know thyself! And he was interviewing Jim quick. But Jim Quick said something that I was like, Oh, my God, that this is what it is

83
00:14:47.490 --> 00:14:52.010
Tanya: you just. You needed a storm in your life to help clear the path.

84
00:14:52.750 --> 00:14:53.250
Erin Roberts: Yes.

85
00:14:53.250 --> 00:15:09.189
Tanya: Help put you back on that. Then we, I think most of us especially I, feel like those who are like listening to podcast. And like self help, like we've all been through that dark night of the soul. Or I mean, I've not like

86
00:15:09.800 --> 00:15:16.439
Tanya: who has, I mean, we all like that's life, like we all go through tough times like you're not gonna

87
00:15:16.490 --> 00:15:19.870
Tanya: go through this life and be able to escape

88
00:15:20.060 --> 00:15:21.920
Tanya: adversity. You know.

89
00:15:21.920 --> 00:15:22.270
Erin Roberts: Right.

90
00:15:22.596 --> 00:15:29.770
Tanya: But yeah. And then also the people pleasing part like you spoke about how you were like the people pleaser. And

91
00:15:29.860 --> 00:15:32.520
Tanya: it just made me think about the lesson, like.

92
00:15:32.560 --> 00:15:33.650
Tanya: you know.

93
00:15:34.230 --> 00:15:35.780
Tanya: when we

94
00:15:36.310 --> 00:15:42.799
Tanya: diminish ourselves, and when we don't speak up for what we believe in.

95
00:15:43.050 --> 00:15:44.720
Tanya: or if we're just.

96
00:15:45.300 --> 00:15:49.315
Tanya: you know, saying yes to things that we really don't want to

97
00:15:50.270 --> 00:15:55.670
Tanya: work because we're worried about disappoint disappointing others. But then we end up disappointing ourselves.

98
00:15:56.260 --> 00:16:12.129
Erin Roberts: Yep, 100%. I love that you said that, and that's been one of the hardest lessons I've had to learn. Mo, probably one of the most painful lessons. But one of the most effective lessons I've ever learned about speaking up for myself is, I realized

99
00:16:12.840 --> 00:16:13.980
Erin Roberts: that

100
00:16:14.040 --> 00:16:28.820
Erin Roberts: I had a choice, a choice point anytime that there was something coming up that I was feeling like. Oh, if I say this, it might cause tension, or it might cause a little bit of conflict. I realized I was going to choose

101
00:16:29.710 --> 00:16:32.429
Erin Roberts: my happiness.

102
00:16:32.980 --> 00:16:36.100
Erin Roberts: or I was going to choose the other person's happiness.

103
00:16:37.100 --> 00:16:44.800
Erin Roberts: And although it feels noble to choose the other person's happiness, it's kind of that martyrdom.

104
00:16:45.599 --> 00:16:58.899
Erin Roberts: Archetype, you know. It's kind of that martyrdom simps syndrome, which I think Mom's stereotypically get into a little bit because we want our people around us to be happy. We love our people.

105
00:16:58.900 --> 00:17:00.020
Tanya: Of course. Yeah.

106
00:17:00.020 --> 00:17:06.969
Erin Roberts: Want them to be happy. And we're, you know, that's a big part of being a mom is nurturing all of the people around us. So.

107
00:17:07.190 --> 00:17:08.960
Erin Roberts: realizing that

108
00:17:09.829 --> 00:17:13.329
Erin Roberts: if I'm going to keep someone else's piece.

109
00:17:13.530 --> 00:17:17.359
Erin Roberts: but at the expense of me being angry inside.

110
00:17:17.660 --> 00:17:20.299
Erin Roberts: then I'm actually not keeping peace at all

111
00:17:20.609 --> 00:17:24.020
Erin Roberts: I'm not keeping. I'm not keeping my own piece.

112
00:17:24.210 --> 00:17:30.490
Erin Roberts: and really I'm responsible for myself first, because if I don't keep my own piece.

113
00:17:30.510 --> 00:17:33.329
Erin Roberts: if I don't keep my own content

114
00:17:33.540 --> 00:17:37.189
Erin Roberts: and my own mental and emotional state peaceful.

115
00:17:37.290 --> 00:17:42.609
Erin Roberts: then I cannot serve as a mom. I can't serve my kids, and I can't serve my husband.

116
00:17:42.610 --> 00:17:43.520
Tanya: Spring.

117
00:17:43.520 --> 00:17:48.430
Erin Roberts: I can't serve my family, my colleagues, my my parents, my relationships.

118
00:17:49.080 --> 00:17:53.129
Erin Roberts: If I'm not filling up my cup first.

119
00:17:53.190 --> 00:18:00.699
Erin Roberts: and the voice is one of the ways that we do that. You know, we hear, I think we hear a lot about, you know, moms and self care moms. And like, Oh, yeah.

120
00:18:00.700 --> 00:18:01.290
Tanya: Yeah.

121
00:18:01.290 --> 00:18:10.350
Erin Roberts: Yourself. Make sure you're you're exercising, and you're taking time for yourself and all the things which is so true. And

122
00:18:10.770 --> 00:18:15.220
Erin Roberts: communication is also a way that we can do self care because.

123
00:18:16.310 --> 00:18:19.760
Erin Roberts: If we're if we're people pleasing.

124
00:18:20.040 --> 00:18:44.010
Erin Roberts: we're not gonna be keeping our. We're not keeping our own content. We're not taking care of ourselves. And that's been an interesting experiment for me, you know, with with my own husband a lot of the, I think, like many course creators, a lot of the the principles that I've put into my program are things I've learned from my real life, and some of those things have been experiments with my husband. But

125
00:18:44.120 --> 00:18:48.090
Erin Roberts: you know, he and I really realized when we became parents, that

126
00:18:50.020 --> 00:18:51.120
Erin Roberts: you know.

127
00:18:51.250 --> 00:18:57.569
Erin Roberts: if we, if we truly put ourselves first, it will actually benefit our partner

128
00:18:57.650 --> 00:19:05.502
Erin Roberts: in ways that we could have never imagined, you know, just as an example like when my son was younger and he was still

129
00:19:06.320 --> 00:19:17.949
Erin Roberts: he was. We were still sleep training him, and it was hard like that was, Oh, my God! That was a hard phase, and it took months right? And we realized.

130
00:19:18.010 --> 00:19:24.029
Erin Roberts: you know, kind of when we first started that process. We would. We would. We would try to kind of sacrifice

131
00:19:24.090 --> 00:19:38.988
Erin Roberts: our own time to like support my husband like. Oh, honey, you sleep in today. I I'll be on the shift. I'll I'll do the sleep stuff, or whatever. And he would, you know, try to do the same for me. And we realized over time that we were both becoming so resentful.

132
00:19:39.350 --> 00:19:55.080
Erin Roberts: I'm like so angry because we weren't getting to go to that Yoga class we wanted to go to or we weren't getting an hour in the morning of silence to ourselves. And you know we realized that once we started holding

133
00:19:55.350 --> 00:20:08.570
Erin Roberts: a little bit better boundaries with each other and just saying, Hey, honey, you know what it's your night you're gonna you're gonna take him. And I'm gonna go do whatever. And it felt really uncomfortable at first. But the more we did it.

134
00:20:08.680 --> 00:20:15.719
Erin Roberts: we realized we were like, Oh, we're so much we're both so much more happy. We're both so much more balanced.

135
00:20:15.920 --> 00:20:26.969
Erin Roberts: and we're both enjoying each other more. So when we do have that time together as a family we're like, we're connecting more. And it was very counterintuitive.

136
00:20:27.060 --> 00:20:32.419
Erin Roberts: but being able to speak up and use our empowered voice and say.

137
00:20:32.450 --> 00:20:38.770
Erin Roberts: Yup, it's your night. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go to that yoga class. See you later and doing that.

138
00:20:39.595 --> 00:20:51.690
Erin Roberts: It really over time created a new dynamic for us. Where we are happier we are healthier, we are more content, we are more connected, and that's the gift of of using the voice.

139
00:20:51.980 --> 00:20:52.670
Tanya: Yeah.

140
00:20:53.100 --> 00:20:57.849
Tanya: absolutely. Yeah. And I mean, yeah, think about if you feel better.

141
00:20:57.890 --> 00:20:59.260
Tanya: how do you act?

142
00:21:00.980 --> 00:21:01.700
Erin Roberts: Yeah, could.

143
00:21:01.700 --> 00:21:14.968
Tanya: Just yeah, you can. You're just gonna act in a way that you feel better about. I mean when I'm sick or when I I mean, I used to be a nurse. And yeah, like, when people are in pain, they are not nice.

144
00:21:15.270 --> 00:21:16.009
Erin Roberts: Yup! You.

145
00:21:16.327 --> 00:21:34.719
Tanya: Yeah, and that's and that's not who we want to be. I think we all, deep down at our core want to be kind to one another and consider it. And the best way we can get there is doing the things that we know that we need to do and like using our voice to communicate that.

146
00:21:35.390 --> 00:21:36.050
Erin Roberts: Yeah.

147
00:21:36.640 --> 00:21:44.220
Tanya: Yeah, in order to, so that we can feel at our best, or at least close as close to our best as as we can.

148
00:21:45.840 --> 00:22:04.549
Tanya: Oh, well, that's awesome so I want to. Then go on. I mean, we kind of like went into this. But I wanna talk more about, you know we I think we all on some level, want more confidence. I know I do. I'm always striving for more confidence.

149
00:22:04.815 --> 00:22:22.879
Tanya: First thing, you know it's so many different things. But what comes to mind? And I'm like, okay, I I think I need to talk about this because it's just coming to my mind is like, okay being a mom. And I don't know if you can relate to this Erin. But like meeting new friends like Mom, like when your kids are like at daycare

150
00:22:23.220 --> 00:22:23.514
Tanya: school.

151
00:22:23.810 --> 00:22:24.669
Erin Roberts: You're like Mike.

152
00:22:24.670 --> 00:22:26.969
Tanya: Kids are now in soccer, and it's just so

153
00:22:27.090 --> 00:22:29.590
Tanya: awkward. Why is it like.

154
00:22:30.240 --> 00:22:47.440
Tanya: for example, conversation? Somebody can come up to me and start a conversation, and I am more like I, you know, like I love it, and I will thrive in that. But for me to be the person to initiate that conversation is so hard.

155
00:22:47.500 --> 00:23:06.029
Tanya: So, anyway. So that's just an example I think of. Why, speaking confidently, you know why it matters. But can you you speak to? Why, you think it's important for us to learn to use our voice confidently. Communicate clearly. Like, how can we?

156
00:23:06.690 --> 00:23:11.902
Tanya: How can this help us in our everyday lives like, can you give specific scenarios?

157
00:23:12.900 --> 00:23:14.490
Tanya: Home can relate to.

158
00:23:15.020 --> 00:23:40.414
Erin Roberts: Yeah. Yeah. Great question. Yes. Just just a very, very quickly touch on the example that you that you brought up. Yes, initiating can be hard. And even, for you know, even for people like us like, you know, you speak now as a part of your profession. You have a podcast. It's a, you know, it's part of what you do. And even for me, I I'm a vocal coach. And I still struggle sometimes in those small talk situations.

159
00:23:40.992 --> 00:23:46.450
Erin Roberts: And I have. I have a strategy for that. We'll we'll save that for later. We'll talk about some strategies.

160
00:23:46.480 --> 00:23:47.020
Erin Roberts: Okay.

161
00:23:47.020 --> 00:23:47.780
Tanya: Awesome.

162
00:23:48.240 --> 00:24:17.490
Erin Roberts: But yes, like, okay. So let's let's look at some examples. We've talked a lot in the in the first few minutes of this podcast we've talked a lot about like conflict, resolution and conflict management. And that is a big part of my program is, you know, teaching the teaching, the speaking skills for what to do in those higher stakes, moments where there might be a conflict or a disagreement. I think that those are some of the moments when

163
00:24:17.530 --> 00:24:23.160
Erin Roberts: it's the hardest to speak up for yourself, cause there's a lot on the line emotionally.

164
00:24:23.160 --> 00:24:23.500
Tanya: Oh, yeah.

165
00:24:23.500 --> 00:24:24.080
Erin Roberts: But.

166
00:24:24.080 --> 00:24:24.510
Tanya: Yeah.

167
00:24:24.510 --> 00:24:26.480
Erin Roberts: Let's also look at

168
00:24:26.940 --> 00:24:52.109
Erin Roberts: like you said the more everyday examples of why is it important to learn effective communication and learn about your voice as a tool, and that so we've got as moms, we're, you know, we're on a mom. Podcast so let's, let's think about situations that moms are in. I think one of one of the biggest ones for me is being an example for my son.

169
00:24:52.800 --> 00:24:53.290
Tanya: I.

170
00:24:53.290 --> 00:24:53.890
Erin Roberts: Know.

171
00:24:53.890 --> 00:24:54.550
Tanya: That.

172
00:24:55.390 --> 00:25:00.150
Erin Roberts: Yeah, I know how much I struggled as a little kid.

173
00:25:00.260 --> 00:25:29.910
Erin Roberts: you know, like I said, at the beginning of the podcast. I was really shy, was really introverted, and I I craved connection in friendships. But I didn't. I didn't know how to successfully create that necessarily, my my parents are amazing people. But that setting that example wasn't a part of their parenting. So it's just not something we really learned how to do. Naturally, as kids in my family. So as a mom, I love

174
00:25:30.210 --> 00:25:32.690
Erin Roberts: watching my son watch me.

175
00:25:32.950 --> 00:25:47.149
Erin Roberts: and knowing like, oh, this is so cool! These are the micro moments when he's learning what it means to speak out. He's learning what it means to be a communicator in the world, and I would love to watch him.

176
00:25:47.460 --> 00:26:04.560
Erin Roberts: you know, watch my husband and I use these skills and kind of naturally be able to emulate them in his own life, being ex being an example for our kids. And I think it's like it's in those tiny moments like, for example, when we're at Mcdonald's and

177
00:26:04.730 --> 00:26:12.639
Erin Roberts: our our food order comes out, and there's maybe something missing, or there's maybe the wrong sandwich like, sure

178
00:26:13.050 --> 00:26:41.610
Erin Roberts: I could avoid the awkward moment, and I could just be like, Oh, it's fine. We'll just keep the sandwich we have. Let's go eat our food. But I'm like, you know what? No, this is a great example, and this is a time for my son to watch me and to learn what it means to advocate for himself. So I'm gonna go ahead and I'm gonna take the extra 2 min, and I'm gonna say to the Mcdonald's person, hey? We ordered a different sandwich. Would you be able to get that for us? You know, it's those little moments like that.

179
00:26:43.020 --> 00:26:46.650
Erin Roberts: so letting our kids see us as a model.

180
00:26:47.650 --> 00:26:49.299
Erin Roberts: I think I think.

181
00:26:49.460 --> 00:26:51.159
Erin Roberts: is so important.

182
00:26:51.620 --> 00:27:03.709
Erin Roberts: And then, beyond the micro moments, I think we can take that a step further as moms. And we can notice that there's there's times when we actually do have to formally advocate for our kids.

183
00:27:04.270 --> 00:27:10.510
Erin Roberts: And those are times when speaking skills are so important. For example, like

184
00:27:10.560 --> 00:27:11.910
Erin Roberts: at school

185
00:27:12.030 --> 00:27:19.760
Erin Roberts: or my my son is not school age yet. He's in daycare, but at his daycare there are times when

186
00:27:19.820 --> 00:27:28.589
Erin Roberts: I have to kind of you know. Speak up a little extra with his daycare teachers and just say, Hey, it's really important to our family that this

187
00:27:28.660 --> 00:27:38.449
Erin Roberts: is done this way. Can you guys please do that? You know whether it's maybe like a meal time, thing or a nap, a nap time thing, or whatever it might be.

188
00:27:39.900 --> 00:27:54.099
Erin Roberts: I talked to moms who do have kids in in elementary school or middle school, or whatever, and there's things that come up where they might need to meet with a vice principal, or someone at the school and say, Hey.

189
00:27:54.600 --> 00:27:59.907
Erin Roberts: my child, is not being supported in this way. What can we do? What are some options?

190
00:28:00.690 --> 00:28:09.459
Erin Roberts: I'm I work in public education. So these these examples are kind of top and top of mind for me. But, like students who are on individualized learning plans.

191
00:28:10.523 --> 00:28:12.330
Erin Roberts: Those parents.

192
00:28:12.590 --> 00:28:24.679
Erin Roberts: God bless them. They need to go into those meetings with a lot of communication skills to be able to say, Okay, these are the things that my child really needs at school. How can we build those things into the plan.

193
00:28:25.340 --> 00:28:26.130
Tanya: Halon.

194
00:28:27.900 --> 00:28:31.380
Erin Roberts: same same thing in like medical situations.
Tanya: Oh, yeah, huge.
Erin Roberts: Yeah, from working in the medical profession as a parent, you know, on the other side of it. I've never worked in the in the medical industry. But

203
00:29:02.290 --> 00:29:08.829
Erin Roberts: you know, when I go in to see the doctor with my son, we are given very little time with the doctor.

204
00:29:08.830 --> 00:29:10.890
Tanya: Oh, yeah, isn't a shame.

205
00:29:11.230 --> 00:29:34.150
Erin Roberts: Yeah. And and and that's that's how it is. And I get it. You know, everyone's doing the best they can. But in those short 10 min that I have with that doctor. I'm like, I'm gonna go in there with a list, right? And yeah, this is one of the things that I teach in my program is really being thoughtful and scripting out like, if you're going into a moment like that, and something's really important to you, write it down like don't.

00:29:34.710 --> 00:29:37.159
Erin Roberts: Great to take in a notepad. Yeah.

208
00:29:37.160 --> 00:29:37.850
Tanya: Yeah.

209
00:29:38.340 --> 00:30:00.089
Erin Roberts: And and and really, you know, realize that you might have to interrupt that doctor, if if you know you have like. 2 min left on the clock, and there's something really important. You might have to interrupt them and say, Hey, thank you, you know, for what we're talking about. But I really wanna ask about this other thing instead, you know, like that can be uncomfortable to.

210
00:30:00.490 --> 00:30:11.949
Erin Roberts: you know. Feel like you kinda have to step in and maybe push a topic or guide a conversation a little more. That's a skill, you know, and they can be uncomfortable at first.

211
00:30:12.800 --> 00:30:17.279
Tanya: Yeah, well, thank you for saying that. Cause I think, yeah, that is hugely

212
00:30:17.320 --> 00:30:26.509
Tanya: important. And I feel like, Yeah, if you don't go into a doctor's office for your kids, or for yourself, for Eve, or if it's like an agent, whoever

213
00:30:26.530 --> 00:30:28.750
Tanya: it's so important to

214
00:30:28.880 --> 00:30:47.361
Tanya: what you said like, go in prepared. Think of ahead of time, like questions that you want to ask, or things that you want to be addressed because you're right like it. It they are in and out so quickly because they have such a huge patient load lots of times, and they are stretched so thin, especially these pediatricians. I think

215
00:30:47.660 --> 00:30:48.310
Erin Roberts: Yeah.

216
00:30:48.520 --> 00:30:58.872
Tanya: But also, this is your in your child's life. So yeah, it's important in in when you're in that appointment, like lots of times your mind just goes blank.

217
00:30:59.230 --> 00:31:00.249
Erin Roberts: Yup, that. Yeah.

218
00:31:00.250 --> 00:31:03.999
Tanya: That's happened to me. Yeah. So be prepared. What you said.

219
00:31:04.442 --> 00:31:09.240
Tanya: There was something else that came to mind, but I I lost it so.

220
00:31:09.390 --> 00:31:17.869
Tanya: anyway, go ahead. So W. Was there anything else you wanted to touch on about like? Why, this matters? I think so far. What you said.

221
00:31:17.870 --> 00:31:18.370
Erin Roberts: Yeah.

222
00:31:18.370 --> 00:31:21.569
Tanya: I mean, like conflict, resolution, advocacy.

223
00:31:22.010 --> 00:31:27.150
Erin Roberts: Yup every day. Situations, you know. Talking with babysitters, you.

224
00:31:27.150 --> 00:31:28.410
Tanya: You know, like

225
00:31:28.570 --> 00:31:29.260
Tanya: that's a big.

226
00:31:29.260 --> 00:31:29.760
Erin Roberts: One, yeah.

227
00:31:29.760 --> 00:31:34.480
Tanya: Expectations. Yes, that is yes, thank you for bringing that up.

228
00:31:35.730 --> 00:31:47.329
Erin Roberts: Yeah, talking with, you know, for for us, for my husband and I. We're really lucky we we do work with some babysitters, but we also have 2 2 sets of parents that live locally in town. We're very lucky.

229
00:31:47.330 --> 00:31:48.560
Tanya: So nice.

230
00:31:48.560 --> 00:32:07.654
Erin Roberts: So we most. Our parents are mostly our babysitters, which is such a blessing. And and it's an extra layer of communication that's can sometimes be so hard because they are our parents like we're navigating boundaries. We're navigating

231
00:32:08.310 --> 00:32:25.122
Erin Roberts: you know their version of the way that they raised us and how they think, you know, that those principles are now going to reflect in the same way onto our children. It's a it's like a minefield. It's been beautiful for us. But yeah, babysitters, parents.

232
00:32:26.260 --> 00:32:33.969
Erin Roberts: you know. Yeah, th, those are kind of some of the key examples that come come to mind for for being a mom and parenting. I think.

233
00:32:34.650 --> 00:32:39.110
Tanya: That's so good. Okay? So now we know the why, why this matters.

234
00:32:39.400 --> 00:32:45.850
Tanya: why, it's important for us to improve our communication skills. But now, I want to get into the how

235
00:32:45.890 --> 00:32:57.519
Tanya: like, how can we put this into action? Can you give us like a mini master class today on how we can use our voices more confidently and communicate our needs

236
00:32:57.530 --> 00:32:58.750
Tanya: clearly.

237
00:32:59.410 --> 00:33:16.850
Erin Roberts: Yep, yep, let's do it. So in my program I have a method that I break it down into 4 steps. It's my, it's my 4 step process to speaking up with confidence. So that process is step one is your belief.

238
00:33:17.170 --> 00:33:19.879
Erin Roberts: So we examine belief systems.

239
00:33:20.470 --> 00:33:24.550
Erin Roberts: And that part is really looking at.

240
00:33:24.600 --> 00:33:27.100
Erin Roberts: What do you believe about your voice?

241
00:33:27.190 --> 00:33:30.030
Erin Roberts: What do you believe about yourself as a speaker?

242
00:33:30.660 --> 00:33:35.840
Erin Roberts: Have those beliefs served you? Are they creating roadblocks for you.

243
00:33:36.410 --> 00:33:42.899
Erin Roberts: What beliefs do you want to have, or need to change in order to become a more confident speaker?

244
00:33:43.490 --> 00:33:49.240
Erin Roberts: So really, looking at that, and I have some, some really amazing exercises that we do.

245
00:33:50.153 --> 00:34:10.960
Erin Roberts: you know. We'll we'll I'll have clients like record a 30 s snippet of their own voice like on their phone or something, and we'll listen to it back and we'll break down like, Okay, what do you hear? What do you like about what you hear. What do you not like about what you hear? And and really kind of parsing out? The belief systems around that

246
00:34:11.159 --> 00:34:17.175
Erin Roberts: it can be vulnerable to listen to your own voice on a recording. I'm sure you've experienced this.

247
00:34:17.510 --> 00:34:23.009
Tanya: It's getting better. We're on episode 36. It's getting better. But at the beginning I was like, cringe, yeah, like.

248
00:34:23.010 --> 00:34:42.920
Erin Roberts: Yes, I know, I know, listening to your voice on a podcast. Yeah, it's it's becoming. It's becoming comfortable with that process. Step 2, after we, we look at some beliefs as we go into the skills. What are the skills that you need to to use with your voice in order to meet your goals.

249
00:34:43.330 --> 00:35:03.960
Erin Roberts: Every client comes into my program with a different goal. They might be wanting to ask for a raise with their boss. That might be a goal. They might be just wanting to speak up with their partner a little more, you know, be able to communicate their feelings better. That could be a goal they could be wanting to start a podcast

250
00:35:04.150 --> 00:35:15.255
Erin Roberts: and being terrified of listening to their own voice. That could be a goal. Right. So every client has a different goal. What skills do they need to reach that goal? And that's where we look at things like,

251
00:35:15.810 --> 00:35:19.330
Erin Roberts: the the high, the range of your voice, the high and low

252
00:35:19.350 --> 00:35:36.160
Erin Roberts: we look at the volume of your voice. How loud or how quiet are you speaking? Is it matching the space that you're in. We look at pronunciation. We look at the speed of how slow or fast you might be speaking. We look at some of those hard skills.

253
00:35:36.630 --> 00:35:38.210
Erin Roberts: And I have

254
00:35:38.717 --> 00:35:44.620
Erin Roberts: tons of exercises that we do. You know, we look at. We also look at body language posture.

255
00:35:44.770 --> 00:35:56.879
Erin Roberts: facial expressions, eye contact, gestures with your hands. I you'll you've, I'm sure, seen I I tend to be very, very handy. Lots of hand hand.

256
00:35:56.880 --> 00:35:57.890
Tanya: Well, it's

257
00:35:58.150 --> 00:35:59.423
Tanya: it's more

258
00:36:00.260 --> 00:36:04.519
Tanya: entertaining to watch with the hand gestures right.

259
00:36:04.802 --> 00:36:08.190
Erin Roberts: Yeah, I'm a I'm a jazzy person. So it comes naturally today.

260
00:36:08.190 --> 00:36:09.069
Tanya: Kevin.

261
00:36:09.950 --> 00:36:26.179
Erin Roberts: Exactly. Exactly. We look at that. And we say, Okay, are those hand movements reflecting the energy that you want to be putting out? Or are they kind of like just an automatic habit that maybe you're not as aware of? Could what can we do to become more aware

262
00:36:26.200 --> 00:36:32.360
Erin Roberts: of how much hand movement you're using? And does the amount of hand movement match the scenario

263
00:36:33.270 --> 00:36:34.380
Erin Roberts: right?

264
00:36:34.580 --> 00:36:35.970
Erin Roberts: Because

265
00:36:36.920 --> 00:36:44.330
Erin Roberts: there are times when hand movements add to the moment, and there are times when hand movements take away from the moment.

266
00:36:44.330 --> 00:36:45.599
Tanya: That makes sense.

267
00:36:46.330 --> 00:36:48.659
Erin Roberts: Right. It depends on the setting, like.

268
00:36:48.660 --> 00:36:49.010
Tanya: Yeah.

269
00:36:49.010 --> 00:36:52.539
Erin Roberts: Is it? Is it like a fun setting? Is it a

270
00:36:52.800 --> 00:37:01.555
Erin Roberts: where are you? Are you at a party? Are you at a I don't know. Are you at like a really serious compliance work meeting?

271
00:37:01.880 --> 00:37:02.880
Tanya: Yeah, like, hey?

272
00:37:03.150 --> 00:37:09.579
Erin Roberts: It. So it depends. Are you at church? It depends on the moment. So it's like looking at those things and

273
00:37:10.010 --> 00:37:14.149
Erin Roberts: breaking down the skills that are needed in order to

274
00:37:14.560 --> 00:37:18.939
Erin Roberts: convey your message to others in a way that they will perceive you as confident.

275
00:37:19.780 --> 00:37:20.969
Erin Roberts: I have a quick.

276
00:37:20.970 --> 00:37:32.370
Tanya: Question, or we can, we can put a PIN in it. So how do you know like, could you just give a couple of examples of like hand gestures like when it would be like how they would match a setting.

277
00:37:33.930 --> 00:37:37.989
Erin Roberts: Sure. Okay, that's yeah. That's a great question. So

278
00:37:38.820 --> 00:37:45.676
Erin Roberts: let's say, I think what it I think, what it really comes down to is awareness.

279
00:37:46.140 --> 00:37:51.249
Erin Roberts: Is the speaker aware of the hand movement they're making.

280
00:37:51.540 --> 00:38:12.269
Erin Roberts: or is it something they're doing? Kind of as a nervous habit and anxious habit? I've noticed that for myself sometimes when I'm nervous, or a little like, you know, doing something that's a little bit out of the box for me. I move my hands more. And it's not because I want to be moving my hands more. It's because I'm a little nervous.

281
00:38:12.540 --> 00:38:13.360
Tanya: Okay, so then.

282
00:38:13.360 --> 00:38:13.800
Erin Roberts: So.

283
00:38:13.800 --> 00:38:14.870
Tanya: Intentional

284
00:38:14.920 --> 00:38:17.649
Tanya: versus. Is it a nervous habit? Okay.

285
00:38:17.830 --> 00:38:22.219
Erin Roberts: Yup, and there's and there's that intentional. That's the piece

286
00:38:22.250 --> 00:38:28.769
Erin Roberts: that really we look at with all the skills. The hand, you know, the hand movements is just an example of it. But, like

287
00:38:28.820 --> 00:38:51.269
Erin Roberts: body language, are you intentionally choosing your body language, or are you kind of letting it happen, and not really quite being aware of. Are you crossing your arms? Are you aware that you're crossing your arms? And that's fine? There are. There are a time and a place where you might want to cross your arms and kind of show a little bit of a boundary. But

288
00:38:51.390 --> 00:38:56.030
Erin Roberts: if you're doing it automatically, and you're not even noticing it.

289
00:38:56.600 --> 00:39:04.979
Erin Roberts: I would, I would, you know, encourage exploration of that, and say, why are you crossing your arms so often? Are you feeling?

290
00:39:05.090 --> 00:39:13.689
Erin Roberts: Are you feeling tension inside? Are you feeling disconnected like? What is the reason that you are doing that? And can we become more aware of it?

291
00:39:15.460 --> 00:39:18.179
Erin Roberts: when we're talking about volume

292
00:39:18.780 --> 00:39:20.620
Erin Roberts: a lot of times.

293
00:39:20.980 --> 00:39:26.329
Erin Roberts: people when when they're feeling like they're speaking under pressure, they'll tend to speak louder.

294
00:39:26.520 --> 00:39:28.739
Erin Roberts: So if you think about like.

295
00:39:28.890 --> 00:39:31.279
Erin Roberts: you know, I'm thinking about myself here, like

296
00:39:32.065 --> 00:39:37.289
Erin Roberts: in past jobs pro, you know, professional situations where I felt

297
00:39:38.180 --> 00:39:39.210
Erin Roberts: I felt

298
00:39:39.280 --> 00:39:42.609
Erin Roberts: like I needed to kind of push an agenda

299
00:39:42.630 --> 00:39:44.340
Erin Roberts: like, maybe, like.

300
00:39:44.560 --> 00:39:57.840
Erin Roberts: I don't think these people are really gonna hear me. I don't know if they really respect me. I'm gonna have to, really, you know, push this point with them. So I would end up speaking a little bit more loudly.

301
00:39:57.950 --> 00:40:06.089
Erin Roberts: But I wasn't doing it intentionally. I was doing it as a as a result of like a subconscious emotional need that

302
00:40:06.390 --> 00:40:13.720
Erin Roberts: I was worried. My need wouldn't get met. I was worried that I wouldn't be heard. And so I was like over speaking.

303
00:40:13.780 --> 00:40:20.980
Erin Roberts: being a little bit too loud, and people pick up on those nuances they might not know.

304
00:40:21.050 --> 00:40:34.162
Erin Roberts: It all happens at a subconscious level. It all happens at a very instinctual level. They're not, you know, the people listening to me in that work meeting. They're not gonna say to themselves, oh, you know what she's doing. She's speaking a little too loud, and and that's why.

305
00:40:34.420 --> 00:40:35.510
Tanya: Right? Weird.

306
00:40:35.510 --> 00:40:36.250
Erin Roberts: Right.

307
00:40:36.250 --> 00:40:38.340
Tanya: They're just gonna be like, something's off right.

308
00:40:38.730 --> 00:41:06.839
Erin Roberts: Exactly. They're gonna say, oh, something's a little off about her energy. She she seems tense. I don't know. I don't know if I should fully absorb what she's saying. I'm a little distracted now, because something seems off about her. So that's why we dive into the skills in that second part of my program, because we want your listener to be able to be completely present with you and absorbing fully what you're saying.

309
00:41:06.860 --> 00:41:21.109
Erin Roberts: And if there are these little things that are distracting them away. They're going to perceive you as not confident they're gonna perceive you as energetically. Something's a little off about this person.

310
00:41:21.640 --> 00:41:24.200
Tanya: Yeah, and like not trustworthy. Right?

311
00:41:24.200 --> 00:41:26.480
Erin Roberts: Yes, yes, exactly.

312
00:41:26.898 --> 00:41:30.599
Erin Roberts: exactly. And if we think about the root of the word confidence

313
00:41:32.440 --> 00:41:40.269
Erin Roberts: I I don't recall. I don't recall the exact root of the word, but confidence. The root of that comes from trust.

314
00:41:41.150 --> 00:41:41.730
Tanya: All.

315
00:41:42.090 --> 00:41:45.029
Erin Roberts: Trust, and they come from the same stem.

316
00:41:45.030 --> 00:41:45.500
Tanya: Yeah, I-

317
00:41:45.880 --> 00:41:50.419
Tanya: cause confidence. You're essentially as you're trusting yourself right?

318
00:41:50.420 --> 00:41:57.030
Erin Roberts: Trusting yourself. Yep. And if you say Oh, I I have full confidence that he's gonna do that thing.

319
00:41:57.385 --> 00:42:01.219
Erin Roberts: What you're really saying is, I fully trust in him that he's gonna follow through.

320
00:42:01.450 --> 00:42:01.930
Tanya: Yeah.

321
00:42:03.560 --> 00:42:13.186
Erin Roberts: Yeah. So a lot of it does come down to self trust. And then trusting each other. Briefly, part 3 of my program after we look at all of those technical skills.

322
00:42:13.790 --> 00:42:25.540
Erin Roberts: Part 3 is, I call that the preparation phase. And that's where we look at things like the planning like when we talked about going into the doctor, we, we decide. Is this a time when a script might be appropriate.

323
00:42:25.760 --> 00:42:31.340
Erin Roberts: making a list preparing what I'm going to say, do I want to even rehearse it, maybe.

324
00:42:31.340 --> 00:42:56.149
Erin Roberts: And it depends on the situation, you know. If you're like, let's say you're asking for a raise. I 100 would recommend rehearsing that conversation right? That's a high stakes moment there's a lot on the line there. Let's let's plan it. Let's practice it. And I have templates for how I suggest the practice process goes so that we build people up to that bigger moment. We build them in small little

325
00:42:56.150 --> 00:42:59.430
Erin Roberts: ways. We don't go from 0

326
00:42:59.490 --> 00:43:01.700
Erin Roberts: to asking for a raise tomorrow.

327
00:43:01.740 --> 00:43:03.959
Erin Roberts: There's too much of a gap there.

328
00:43:04.060 --> 00:43:07.149
Erin Roberts: right? We go from 0 to

329
00:43:07.550 --> 00:43:09.430
Erin Roberts: talking to yourself in the mirror

330
00:43:10.130 --> 00:43:11.849
Erin Roberts: and then

331
00:43:11.950 --> 00:43:28.480
Erin Roberts: recording it on your your phone and listening to it by yourself in private, and then we go to practicing in front of your husband, or a friend, or your cat, or whoever will listen, and then we go. You know we build those steps.

332
00:43:28.860 --> 00:43:42.459
Erin Roberts: so that when you get to the moment of. I'm gonna go into the boss's office and ask for the raise. The gap is not that big between what you've already mastered to what you're going to master next.

333
00:43:42.570 --> 00:43:45.229
Erin Roberts: So we take little tiny pieces.

334
00:43:47.320 --> 00:44:07.940
Erin Roberts: and that part of the program. Also, I I cover some information about specific anxiety, prevention techniques, anxiety, management, prevention and management are different. So we talk about like things you can do on the day to day to prevent anxiety, and then we also talk about. If anxiety does show up while you're speaking.

335
00:44:08.470 --> 00:44:10.999
Erin Roberts: what can you do in that moment

336
00:44:11.290 --> 00:44:28.545
Erin Roberts: to to kind of manage it? And sometimes that management could be leaving the conversation and coming back later. Sometimes that management could just be deep breaths. It depends it. It totally depends on the situation. Right?

337
00:44:29.270 --> 00:44:42.619
Erin Roberts: so the and then after the third phase, the final phase of my program is what I call reflection. And that's really it's conclusion. It's summary. It's bringing together everything we've learned.

338
00:44:42.670 --> 00:44:57.470
Erin Roberts: It's looking at. What is the goal you set for yourself when we started the program and looking at? Have we met that goal? What progress have we made towards that goal? What did we learn along the way that maybe we wanted to change about the goal

339
00:44:58.150 --> 00:45:05.630
Erin Roberts: and then integrating tiny steps that my clients can take every single day or every single week

340
00:45:05.980 --> 00:45:07.930
Erin Roberts: on a small basis.

341
00:45:08.270 --> 00:45:21.050
Erin Roberts: so that they're keeping these skills fresh. One of the things that I'm really passionate about is is making sure that people get a return on their investment. So when our 12 weeks are over.

342
00:45:21.110 --> 00:45:27.209
Erin Roberts: their their learning is not done right. They're able to continue.

343
00:45:27.430 --> 00:45:39.430
Erin Roberts: Even if my live support isn't there anymore, they're able to to have a plan for themselves to continue to use those skills often enough that they stay fresh

344
00:45:39.480 --> 00:45:49.699
Erin Roberts: because we've all been in that situation where we've invested in a course or a program or something, and it was awesome. But then, when it ended.

345
00:45:50.520 --> 00:45:52.311
Erin Roberts: we kind of forgot about it.

346
00:45:52.610 --> 00:45:55.730
Tanya: Yeah, it's that if you don't use it, you lose it. Yeah.

347
00:45:56.290 --> 00:45:58.909
Erin Roberts: Yeah. And it's totally it's totally natural.

348
00:45:58.910 --> 00:46:01.772
Tanya: Yeah, it happens to everybody happens to me.

349
00:46:02.090 --> 00:46:06.799
Erin Roberts: We're busy. We have kids, we have lives, we have things going on. And so

350
00:46:07.120 --> 00:46:10.380
Erin Roberts: putting in place a routine

351
00:46:10.590 --> 00:46:16.198
Erin Roberts: ahead of time and saying, okay, for example, I don't know. Let's say someone's goal was

352
00:46:16.960 --> 00:46:21.739
Erin Roberts: speaking up with their kids. Let you know that can also be stressful. It can be.

353
00:46:21.740 --> 00:46:22.060
Tanya: Yeah.

354
00:46:22.293 --> 00:46:22.760
Erin Roberts: Can make.

355
00:46:22.890 --> 00:46:37.629
Erin Roberts: There's depending on how old your kids are and what the what the situation is. But let's say for me, my my son is 2 and a half. So we're doing a lot of we're doing a lot of redirecting and power struggle management.

356
00:46:37.630 --> 00:46:38.680
Tanya: Yeah, different things.

357
00:46:38.850 --> 00:46:43.989
Erin Roberts: Yeah. So let's say, I'm gonna make a plan that once a day

358
00:46:44.120 --> 00:46:46.084
Erin Roberts: I'm going to

359
00:46:47.190 --> 00:46:51.020
Erin Roberts: I'm going to practice saying no to my son

360
00:46:51.230 --> 00:47:05.299
Erin Roberts: when he asks for something that's outrageous, and I'm gonna say, no, I'm gonna practice that at least once a day, and I'm gonna use a script that I wrote during the program. You know, that would be an example of like, here's a way to integrate

361
00:47:05.380 --> 00:47:16.940
Erin Roberts: what you invested in when you bought the vocally empowered program. Here's a way for you to take something you learned and make a promise to yourself once a day. I'm gonna try this with my son.

362
00:47:17.120 --> 00:47:21.574
Erin Roberts: or once a week I'm going to commit to

363
00:47:22.280 --> 00:47:26.130
Erin Roberts: speaking up in a work meeting that I normally would just be silent in.

364
00:47:26.870 --> 00:47:27.800
Erin Roberts: You know.

365
00:47:28.000 --> 00:47:30.950
Tanya: Love that I love the scripts

366
00:47:30.990 --> 00:47:42.430
Tanya: and writing it ahead of time when you're not so emotionally charged. And you're not in that red zone that like fight or flight response, because in that fight or flight response you cannot think

367
00:47:42.470 --> 00:47:45.749
Tanya: logically. And I love the idea of doing it. When

368
00:47:46.170 --> 00:47:52.310
Tanya: you know you're using that higher part of your brain, that prefrontal cortex, and just having a script available

369
00:47:52.350 --> 00:48:01.480
Tanya: so that you don't even have to think you just read off of that script or key, and then you keep practicing it right? So that you just get better and better. And then it becomes second nature. I love that.

370
00:48:02.290 --> 00:48:03.320
Erin Roberts: Yeah.

371
00:48:03.410 --> 00:48:09.399
Erin Roberts: I you know, I get that feedback a lot. I feel like that's one of the parts of the program that people just love the most, and it's

372
00:48:09.970 --> 00:48:12.665
Erin Roberts: it's simple, but it's not easy, right.

373
00:48:13.050 --> 00:48:16.340
Tanya: Not when you're in the moment, and you're so angry. No.

374
00:48:17.120 --> 00:48:17.540
Erin Roberts: Yeah.

375
00:48:17.960 --> 00:48:23.370
Tanya: But if you have a script like, keep it on your phone right? And like your notes app.

376
00:48:23.800 --> 00:48:24.279
Tanya: and just.

377
00:48:24.280 --> 00:48:25.140
Erin Roberts: Yup, yeah.

378
00:48:25.140 --> 00:48:26.939
Tanya: Pause of like.

379
00:48:27.490 --> 00:48:34.639
Tanya: take a deep breath and go to that spot in your phone where you know you have this script that you prepared ahead of time. I love that.

380
00:48:35.770 --> 00:48:41.339
Erin Roberts: Yeah, you know, I'll share just kind of from my perspective. It using scripts

381
00:48:41.420 --> 00:48:45.409
Erin Roberts: was uncomfortable for me for a long time, because I felt.

382
00:48:45.650 --> 00:48:52.792
Erin Roberts: I don't know. I felt like high maintenance or something. I felt like extra like like what I'm you know. If if I felt

383
00:48:53.210 --> 00:49:02.160
Erin Roberts: I guess self-conscious about like walking into a conversation with a script when no one else really does it. As a normal practice.

384
00:49:02.160 --> 00:49:07.620
Tanya: That's so funny that you say that, though, because you know what Erin like, I

385
00:49:07.890 --> 00:49:22.859
Tanya: used to do this same thing like, and I would second guess myself like, do like nobody, I would think like nobody else does this like it just comes naturally to people. But when you said in your that you're on your Youtube channel. I'm like, so people

386
00:49:23.000 --> 00:49:24.448
Tanya: do this, they actually

387
00:49:25.489 --> 00:49:43.280
Tanya: like it gave me permission to. Okay. It's okay that you're writing a script. And actually, I have heard like, listen that, like I listen to so many podcasts and actually a lot of successful people like, what do you think speakers do. They don't just go off the cough. They write a script.

388
00:49:43.900 --> 00:49:44.300
Erin Roberts: Yeah.

389
00:49:44.760 --> 00:49:45.220
Tanya: Oops!

390
00:49:45.690 --> 00:49:46.280
Erin Roberts: Yeah, exactly.

391
00:49:46.280 --> 00:49:46.940
Tanya: Yeah, like.

392
00:49:47.430 --> 00:50:11.880
Erin Roberts: Yeah. And and eventually that that's exactly. That's exactly the point is, eventually you find the script falling away. You find that you don't need it as much. Those amazing public speakers, some of them over years and years. They they do stop using scripts because they just they know they're they know what they're gonna say. They've done it a million times. It's second nature. They don't need a script.

393
00:50:12.330 --> 00:50:14.280
Erin Roberts: Great. But

394
00:50:14.490 --> 00:50:23.019
Erin Roberts: why not set us our ourselves up for success. Why not make it easier on ourselves in the beginning? Use that script.

395
00:50:23.030 --> 00:50:43.390
Erin Roberts: get comfortable, gain the confidence, gain the skills, and then eventually, later, if the script falls away. Great. But why make it harder for ourselves? And that's what I realized, you know again for me is, I think, coming to those rock bottom moments, or those like emotionally charged moments where I was like, okay.

396
00:50:43.480 --> 00:50:46.600
Erin Roberts: I can either bring in a script and feel

397
00:50:46.610 --> 00:50:48.970
Erin Roberts: like a fool and feel awkward.

398
00:50:49.310 --> 00:50:50.510
Erin Roberts: or

399
00:50:50.530 --> 00:50:56.490
Erin Roberts: and I can. I can do that, and I can have a successful conversation, and I can get the result I want.

400
00:50:57.410 --> 00:50:59.389
Erin Roberts: or I can

401
00:50:59.660 --> 00:51:10.419
Erin Roberts: look cool, or look a certain way, and not bring my script, and then I can not execute my conversation, and not get my result, which would I rather have.

402
00:51:10.790 --> 00:51:11.580
Tanya: Yeah.

403
00:51:12.790 --> 00:51:13.950
Tanya: yeah, yeah.

404
00:51:14.345 --> 00:51:14.740
Erin Roberts: That's.

405
00:51:14.740 --> 00:51:30.339
Tanya: So good. So just to summarize. Your 4 step process. One is beliefs, you said. Examine your belief systems. Asking yourself questions. What do you believe about your voice?

406
00:51:30.852 --> 00:51:45.779
Tanya: How do these beliefs serve you? And are thinking about? Are they creating any roadblocks in your life? And then I and then creating your own beliefs like intentional beliefs.

407
00:51:46.680 --> 00:52:12.570
Tanya: And then second, step is skills. So what skills thinking about what skills do you need to reach your goals thinking about your range? How high or low you speak, and the volume and your pronunciation and speed, even thinking about your body language. Then number 3 is preparation. And that's just planning kind of like what we were just talking about again. Like

408
00:52:13.270 --> 00:52:36.400
Tanya: thinking about is a script appropriate, and maybe even rehearsing it. So you feel more confic, more confident, more confident in the execution of it. And then the last part is reflection, and it's just thinking about what your what was your goal when you started? And where are you at now? And how have you progressed.

409
00:52:36.878 --> 00:52:42.963
Tanya: And maybe do you need to modify the goal at this point?

410
00:52:43.920 --> 00:52:47.840
Tanya: is that a good summary? Do you think, Erin, or do you have anything else.

411
00:52:47.840 --> 00:52:48.260
Erin Roberts: Yeah. Thanks.

412
00:52:48.260 --> 00:52:49.910
Tanya: And add to that.

413
00:52:50.240 --> 00:53:06.785
Erin Roberts: That's exactly it. That's a excuse. Me, that's a perfect summary. Yeah, that's that's the basic method. That's what I have found through my own years of trial and error, was successful for me. That's what I have found with working with clients for for many years is

414
00:53:07.260 --> 00:53:09.388
Erin Roberts: breaking that method down.

415
00:53:09.990 --> 00:53:35.070
Erin Roberts: there's, you know, there's parts of the method that are very linear like that. There's, you know, there's sections, and there's there's parts, and there's planning. There's also the parts of the program that are that are nonlinear, abstract, more kind of that right brain side where, speaking as an art, you know, it's the science of speaking. It's also the art of speaking and bringing.

416
00:53:35.070 --> 00:53:47.600
Erin Roberts: You know that spontaneous, that spark, that charisma that grows over time bringing those parts together, and I find that the 4 part structure helps us get a starting point where we can kind of tackle

417
00:53:47.620 --> 00:53:54.039
Erin Roberts: this big thing and say, Hey, it's not a big mystery. It's not a big, scary monster. We can break it down.

418
00:53:54.100 --> 00:54:02.760
Erin Roberts: and then, as we grow, we can start to bring in the magic and the nonlinear parts of it that are a little bit more abstract.

419
00:54:03.440 --> 00:54:05.040
Tanya: Okay, I love that.

420
00:54:05.050 --> 00:54:08.631
Tanya: And just so, you all know I will link that

421
00:54:09.190 --> 00:54:13.839
Tanya: class that you get your Youtube channel in the show notes.

422
00:54:14.590 --> 00:54:15.030
Erin Roberts: Amazing.

423
00:54:15.320 --> 00:54:24.947
Tanya: And I wanna just thank you again so much, Erin, for being here for taking the time to come on the show where you are 35 weeks pregnant.

424
00:54:26.035 --> 00:54:26.790
Erin Roberts: Yeah.

425
00:54:26.790 --> 00:54:27.490
Tanya: Isn't it.

426
00:54:27.490 --> 00:54:30.569
Erin Roberts: Thank you. It's it's been a lot of fun talking to you.

427
00:54:30.570 --> 00:54:39.959
Tanya: Oh, my gosh, same here it was so much fun and can you just share with everybody listening where they can find you? And any special offers you have going on.

428
00:54:40.730 --> 00:55:03.719
Erin Roberts: Yep, yep, I am on the web. My site is Aaron roberts.co. My Instagram handle. That is my main social social outlet, and that handle is also Aaron roberts.co find me there. I am on Youtube. My channel is fairly new. I'm I'm adding content as I go. That handle is at vocally empowered.

429
00:55:03.900 --> 00:55:12.980
Erin Roberts: And thank you for linking that. I would love to share that little mini master class that I created on the Youtube channel there.

430
00:55:13.330 --> 00:55:35.930
Erin Roberts: yeah, like you said, I'm I'm gonna be. I'm going into this final final stage of waiting for baby to come. So I will be kind of. I will be a little bit low key here for a few weeks, but after the summer hitting the ground, running again, and hopefully, some of your listeners will be joining me in my mastermind. I would love to see them there.

431
00:55:36.150 --> 00:55:45.660
Tanya: Yes, that'd be amazing. I highly recommend it. That was so great. I know I learned so much today, and I know this is going to help

432
00:55:45.800 --> 00:55:49.299
Tanya: so many people in every aspect of their lives, from

433
00:55:49.460 --> 00:55:57.310
Tanya: how they maybe perform at their jobs, to communicating with their friends, their significant others, family members, children.

434
00:55:57.320 --> 00:56:14.626
Tanya: and I know it will help people confidently work through the inevitable conflicts that are bound to arise in a way that they can feel good about. So thank you so much, Erin, again for taking the time to come on. Congratulations on the new baby, and we're.

435
00:56:14.980 --> 00:56:15.590
Erin Roberts: Yeah.

436
00:56:15.590 --> 00:56:24.520
Tanya: You're welcome. I'm wishing you a safe and healthy labor and delivery, and I can't wait to see pictures of your baby girl. I hope you're gonna share them.

437
00:56:25.130 --> 00:56:25.500
Erin Roberts: Finally.

438
00:56:25.500 --> 00:56:27.080
Tanya: Yes, please do.

439
00:56:27.080 --> 00:56:27.760
Erin Roberts: Umly.

440
00:56:27.760 --> 00:56:34.950
Tanya: And to everyone at home. Thank you so much for taking the time to tune in today I appreciate every single one of you.

441
00:56:35.630 --> 00:56:45.029
Tanya: and it's my hope that you learned something today that motivated, inspired, and gave you the tools that will help to improve your life in some way.

442
00:56:45.060 --> 00:57:05.529
Tanya: And I'd love to hear your thoughts on today's episode and see how you're putting what you've learned here into action and hear about the difference it's making in your life, so be sure to share with me on social media at Tanya Valentine coaching, and I'm sure Erin would love to hear from you as well@erinroberts.ceo, right?

443
00:57:05.900 --> 00:57:19.079
Tanya: And if you found value in today's episode, please consider sharing it with someone who needs a little boost today. And if you are loving this, podcast be sure to subscribe. So you never miss an episode.

444
00:57:19.240 --> 00:57:27.259
Tanya: and I would so appreciate it. If you wouldn't mind taking 2 min to leave a rating and review. As this helps more mommas like you find the show.

445
00:57:27.580 --> 00:57:39.690
Tanya: Well, that's a wrap, friends until next week. Stay positive and know that you are doing so much better than you give yourself credit for. I know you are. Have an amazing week. Bye.