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Hello and welcome to another episode of the Mom-entum Podcast, the show dedicated to inspiring, uplifting and empowering women on their journey through motherhood.  I’m your host, Tanya Valentine, thank you so much for being here.

 

Today is I’m excited because I get to talk about something that has been on my heart for a while now and I think you will all be able to relate with this and my hope is that this episode not only changes the way you think, but that it also has the power to give you that little umph so to speak, that kick in the butt, that motivation you need to keep going.  Keep pursuing whatever it is that you are working towards.  Whether it be a weight loss goal, or maybe you want to be a more patient parent, or maybe you want to start your own business or start writing a blog.  Whatever it is, I hope this episode will inspire you to not allow that temporary defeat stop you, but instead find the opportunity that it presents you with, figure out what you can learn from it, and forge ahead.

 

So today’s episode is called acceptance vs. giving up and I’ve been thinking about the difference between the two for some time now.  And then recently I had a conversation with a friend that sparked the creation of this episode.  So I was talking to a friend of mine who has been single for a while, and she doesn’t want to be.  She has had this strong desire to meet the man she is going to spend the rest of her life with.  She is sick of being on her own, she looks around at many of her friends and sees that they are married with families and she wants the same for herself.  And she is getting to an age where she feels the clock is ticking for her.  And often when we talk, this is what we talk about because this is the source of much suffering in her life.  But she keeps going.  She’s on the dating apps on and off.  She picks herself up.  She goes to therapy.  She connects with her friends.  She travels.  She stays active.  Now when we talk about her relationship status I try to remain in the friend zone, meaning I take my coaching hat off because there’s a difference in the approach of being a friend vs. being a coach.  Friends commiserate with you, friends are for the most part one-sided meaning if you broke up with your boyfriend your friend is typically gonna be like he’s such a jerk, you can do better than that.  Whereas your coach is going to remain completely neutral, your coach is going to be completely honest with you, in a very loving way, she will point out that which you cannot see.  It’s like telling you that you have spinach stuck in your teeth.  Just pointing out what it is that is actually causing your suffering, and what part you possibly have in it, which then empowers you to make the change.  So anyway, this time I was talking to my friend she said something that I was like ok its time to put the coaching hat on I cannot let this one go.

 

She said,”I just need to accept that I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life.”

 

I said to her, “whoa, wait a minute.  How does that make you feel when you say that? And then I repeated back to her what she said, “I just need to accept that I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life”.

 

And she responded “good, because if I can actually accept that then I can just move on with my life and I don’t have to be in so much pain.”

 

But I could tell in the tone of her voice that it did not make her feel good.  And she was starting to cry.  I could feel the hurt and the discouragement , the frustration and sadness on the other end of the line.

 

She went on to say that she has been on these dating apps for almost 20 years and out of the 20 years she has only been in 2 relationships.  I said to her, ok, well how many relationships would you be in if you hadn’t gone on the dating apps, 0 right?

 

She said,”Well dating shouldn’t be this hard.”  Now teachable moment, friend.  Whenever you catch yourself saying “should” or “shouldn’t”, you are arguing with reality, you are resisting what is, and the end result is suffering.

 

I said to her, “why shouldn’t it be hard?  Said who?  From anyone I’ve ever talked to who is out there dating, for the most part it does sound like it’s hard.  And you are right now saying that it is hard so then that is what’s true for you.  So don’t argue with the reality.  It’s hard.  Now what?”

 

She said “Ya but then I feel like that’s really negative to think that”

 

But I said, “No, it’s just accepting the reality of what is true for you.  And then the mindshift comes when you say yes dating is hard AND I can do hard things.  Anything worth doing is going to be hard.  Most things that are great in this world are hard.  Going to the gym, hard.  Being on a diet, hard.  Having a baby, hard.  Raising kids, hard.  Building a business, hard.  Trying to find a mate, HARD.  So stop lying to yourself saying that it shouldn’t be this hard.  Yes it is, but if you keep going and don’t give up inevitably you will make it to the finish line.  And what I want to say is that the end result might not look exactly how you envisioned it.  And that’s that letting go and ACCEPTANCE that I’m talking about.  Letting go of the plan that you had for your life, and embracing what is.  But it doesn’t mean you ever stop working to achieve the goal.  It’s more about the person you are becoming on your way to the goal than the achievement of the goal.

 

I read a devotional every day. And my Mom got me into this.  Years ago my mom started buying me an annual subscription to Daily Word.  And their quick little one page devotionals that I read each day and each day has a theme like “Peace” or “Freedom” or “Let Go and Let God”.  Anyway I love reading these at the start of my day, it’s just a great way to start my day and set an intention for the day.  And it’s amazing how many times these devotionals align with what is going on in my life at the time.  It’s like God is speaking to me.  Anyways, I read this one today and I thought it would be perfect for the theme of today’s episode.  And this is how it goes…

 

So the theme is “Surrender”.  And it reads, “Spiritual surrender keeps me in the flow of life.  Resisting the events of my life is like swimming against a strong current.  No matter how much I try, I cannot overtake the force of the water.  But when I swim with the current, I am borne effortlessly upon it.

 

Spiritual surrender works much the same way.  When I resist the circumstances of my life, when I fight against what is happening, I am swimming upstream.  But when I accept what is happening, I am surrendering to the flow of life.  I may still work toward changing undesirable situations, but I do so from a place of acceptance, not resistance.

 

No longer fighting, I give myself over to the power of God.  I need not rely solely on my power, will, and effort.  I surrender to God within me and ride life’s currents with ease”.

 

I love the theme there.  Surrender to what is, but also it doesn’t mean give up, you can still keep working towards what it is that you desire.

 

I looked up the definition of acceptance and this is what I found: it’s the willingness to tolerate a difficult or unpleasant situation.  And I love that definition.  It’s the willingness to tolerate.  It makes me think of when one of my kids is having a temper tantrum because I won’t let them have candy for breakfast.  How much am I willing to tolerate that unpleasant situation.  Do I like listening to them screaming and crying, no.  But I’m willing to tolerate it enough because I’m not going to give in and let them have candy for breakfast, because I care about them and their health too much to do that.  Would it be easier to just give up and give them what they want, give them the candy so I don’t have to listen to them scream and cry? Yes, of course.  But that would be me giving up.  Vs. just accepting what is.  This is what I’ve got right now.  Of course they want candy.  Candy tastes good. And they don’t understand the negative impacts it will have on their health, but I do. And my job, as their mom is to keep them safe and part of that is looking out for their health and teaching them healthy habits.  And of course they are going to have a temper tantrum.  This is part of their development.  And do I like it when I can’t get what I want?  No.  And in fact, sometimes I too throw a temper tantrum in my own way.  It sucks not getting what you want.  But I know that if I just ride it out, this is going to pass.  They are not going to tantrum forever.  Eventually they will get over it.  

 

So then I looked up what does it mean to “give up”, and this is the answer I got, “to cease making an effort; to resign oneself to failure.  To allow oneself to be taken over by an emotion or addiction.”

 

And with that I want to talk about the danger of quitting.  So many people give up at the first sign of failure.  But the truth is the sum of our failures will equal our results.  And failure and defeat are temporary.  Don’t quit when the going gets tough.  If you can stick with it just passed the point of discomfort, passed the point of when you want to quit, after you have had so many failures you can’t see how you could survive taking another “L”, success is usually right around the corner.  

 

Let me tell you a story from the book, “Think and Grow Rich” that demonstrates this concept perfectly.  In this book, Napoleon Hill tells the story of a man who quit too soon.  

He wrote, “one of the most common causes of failure is quitting when one is overtaken by temporary defeat”.  He tells the story of R.U. Darby, who later became one of the most successful insurance salesmen in the country, due in part because of what he learned from this temporary failure.  

 

R.U Darby shared with Napoleon the story of his uncle who was caught by the gold fever in the gold rush days.  He travelled west to dig and grow rich.  After weeks of labor, he struck gold.  He traveled back home to Maryland to tell his family and friends of his discovery and they got together money for the needed machinery to mine the gold and they had it shipped.  For a while they did well and they mined enough gold to nearly clear their debts.  But eventually they lost the vein of gold, they kept drilling but there was no more gold.  They gave up and sold the machinery to a junk man for a few hundred dollars.  This junk man called in a mining engineer to look at the mine and do some calculating.  The engineer said that the project had failed because the owners were not familiar with fault lines.  His calculations showed that the vein would be found just 3 feet from where the Darby’s had stopped drilling. The junk man ended up taking millions of dollars from the mine, because he knew enough to seek expert counsel before giving up.

 

In conclusion, the tale of Darby's uncle serves as a powerful reminder that success often lies just beyond the point of apparent failure. The Darby family was merely three feet away from unimaginable wealth, but lack of expertise and persistence led them to relinquish their efforts prematurely. The junk man's triumph underscores the importance of seeking expert counsel and persevering through challenges. This narrative imparts a valuable lesson: in times of adversity, staying the course and seeking guidance can unveil success that is seemingly just out of reach.

 

Another compelling story about accepting life’s challenges while at the same time refusing to give up is the story of Sylvester Stallone.  

 

Sylvester Stallone's journey exemplifies resilience in the face of adversity. Born with a birth defect and facing financial struggles, he refused to surrender to life's challenges. Despite setbacks, he pursued his passion for acting, enduring hardship and even selling his beloved dog, Butkus, when he was down to his last $106. Inspired by an underdog in a boxing match, Stallone wrote the script for "Rocky" in just three days. Stallone had envisioned Rocky as his gateway to Hollywood, but most of the studios had no interest in his script and he got refusal after refusal. Finally “United Artists” was willing to buy the story.  However the studios did not want Stallone to star in the movie, they wanted someone with a more Hollywood-like look.  They even offered Stallone $360k for the rights to the screenplay, but he stood his ground and declined as he was insistent that he play the lead role, despite his poor financial situation.  After much negotiation, the studio eventually gave in.  And as you and I know today, his dream came true and he was able to play the starring role in the movie Rocky.  The movie premiered in 1976, bringing in approximately $225 million worldwide. And today Stallone has an estimated net worth of over $400 million.  The story concludes on a heartwarming note as Stallone successfully reunited with his beloved dog Butkus, purchasing him back for $3,000. And fun fact, Butkus also shared the spotlight alongside Stallone in the movie "Rocky."

 

And yet another story is that of J.K. Rowling.  J.K. Rowling faced a series of setbacks before achieving success with the Harry Potter series. She experienced personal challenges, including the loss of her mother, divorce, and financial difficulties as a single parent. When she submitted her manuscript for "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone" to publishers, it encountered numerous rejections. Reports suggest that Rowling received around 12 rejections from various publishers before Bloomsbury finally accepted the book. This persistence through adversity ultimately led to the extraordinary success that followed, making her a literary phenomenon.

 

Thank you for joining me on this insightful journey through acceptance versus giving up. I hope you found inspiration and encouragement to persevere through life's challenges. Remember, embracing acceptance doesn't mean giving up; it's about surrendering to the flow of life while still actively pursuing your goals.

 

Before we wrap up, I invite you to support the Mom-entum Podcast by taking a moment to rate and review the show. Your feedback is invaluable, and it helps us reach more incredible women like you. Also, connect with me on Facebook and Instagram @tanyavalentinecoaching to stay updated on future episodes and engage in empowering conversations.

 

As we close this episode, remember the stories of resilience we explored today – Sylvester Stallone's determination in creating "Rocky," and J.K. Rowling's journey from rejections to literary success. Let these stories be a reminder that success often awaits just beyond the point where most people would give up.

 

Thank you for being part of the Mom-entum community. Until next time, keep embracing life's challenges with courage, and never underestimate the strength that lies within you.